“Mom! I can’t stop thinking about it!”
I’ve lost count of the nights I’ve been jolted awake by one of my three children calling out in the dark. While I anticipated these moments when they were younger, my two youngest are now 12 and 10, and late-night fears still linger. They often wake me up, unsettled by nightmares or their vivid imaginations running wild.
My children are blessed with vivid imaginations, a trait I cherish about them. However, this creativity also gives rise to numerous irrational fears. Combined with a family history of anxiety, it appears that my kids are predisposed to these fears. This has undoubtedly been one of the most challenging aspects of my parenting journey.
When it comes to my own fears, I tend to rely on logic and reason. Yet, irrational fears, by nature, resist such approaches. The fears my children experience often seem nonsensical to my adult mind, and my attempts to rationalize them don’t resonate with their developing brains. They haven’t yet grasped that they hold the power to confront their imaginary fears—they simply feel the weight of their anxiety.
More often than not, my children’s fears stem from an inability to control their thoughts. When I ask what scares them, they often reply, “I’m just thinking about something scary.” This vague explanation complicates my ability to assist them effectively.
It’s somewhat easier to address fears that are imaginary but specific. For instance, if they claim there’s a monster hiding in their room, I can illuminate the space to demonstrate that nothing lurks in the shadows, or I might arm them with a “Monster Spray” to battle their fears. However, when their fears originate from their own minds, I find it challenging to connect with them.
Often, they struggle to articulate what they envision. I may encourage them to visualize a happy place or recall their best day, but they insist they can’t. I might sing a soothing lullaby or share a comforting story, only for them to express that it doesn’t help.
It’s disheartening to feel powerless in those moments. The only remedy that seems effective is my physical presence. Unfortunately, I can’t always be there, and it’s imperative they learn to confront their fears independently over time.
My instinct as a protective parent is to reassure them that I’ll keep them safe, as it pains me to witness their distress. Ultimately, however, my goal is to empower them to find their own courage.
This concept sounds straightforward in theory. Yet, during those long nights when everything feels strange and sleep-deprived minds are at play, the task feels insurmountable. Frustration can sometimes lead me to exclaim, “There’s nothing to fear! We’re safe in our home! Just close your eyes and sleep!” While tough love may be necessary at times, it feels inappropriate in the face of genuine fear. I can set firm boundaries regarding bedtime antics, like sneaking drinks of water or unnecessary delays, but when they cry out, “I’m scared,” I hear the reality in their voices. Their fear is palpable, and they require assistance to navigate these moments.
We try to be proactive during the day. We avoid horror films and limit exposure to frightening images. While I hear of children who enjoy reading suspenseful books, my kids shy away from anything resembling a fright. It’s perplexing to me why some children are drawn to such stories while others are deeply unsettled.
Their fears can also arise from the most unexpected triggers. One of my children adores the Harry Potter series but became frightened by a seemingly innocent children’s video. It’s often impossible to predict what might set off their anxieties, and no single method guarantees relief.
We’ve found that certain strategies help; flashlights are comforting, leaving the bathroom light on provides reassurance, and audiobooks can soothe them to sleep—unless the story takes a creepy turn. Nevertheless, nothing offers a complete solution.
Fortunately, our eldest child has outgrown her nighttime fears and now sleeps soundly without disturbance, providing me with hope for my younger ones. However, learning to confront one’s fears takes time, and it’s crucial that we remain patient and equip our children with the skills and encouragement they need to gradually overcome their anxieties.
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Summary:
Helping children navigate their fears can be a challenging journey for parents. Children often experience anxiety that stems from their vivid imaginations, making it difficult for them to articulate their fears. While certain strategies like providing comfort items or maintaining a soothing environment can help, understanding that each child’s fears are unique is crucial. Ultimately, fostering independence and resilience in facing these fears is essential for their growth.