A few weeks ago, while browsing social media, I encountered a thought-provoking post from a well-known parenting expert, Laura Thompson. As a mother of three, her words resonated deeply. She boldly stated, “Do you think your child hasn’t encountered explicit material? They have. Believe me.”
My initial thought was, “She’s probably right.” The internet is filled with adult content, and despite our best intentions, children have access to it at increasingly younger ages. However, since my children are in elementary school, I didn’t believe this message applied to me directly.
Middle schoolers? Sure. High schoolers? Absolutely. But my little ones? I thought I was in the clear. Then, two weeks later, the unexpected happened.
A friend alerted me to an incident that occurred at a fifth-grade gathering. The older sibling of the host had reportedly shown a group of younger kids explicit material on his tablet as some sort of prank. The specifics were vague, but it was clear that this wasn’t innocent content; it involved graphic sexual acts witnessed by ten-year-olds.
This was one of those parenting challenges that no one prepares you for. Ever. I felt fortunate that my son and I had already engaged in conversations about anatomy and relationships, but discussing explicit material? That was another story entirely.
How do you explain, “Hey, sex is a normal part of life meant for consenting adults, except sometimes it’s filmed in ways that aren’t loving or respectful for profit, and it might involve strange props or costumes”? There really isn’t a simple way to approach it, but I felt I had to address it. The last thing I wanted was for my son to encounter something frightening and confusing without my guidance.
So, one chilly November afternoon, I sat him down for “The Talk.” Interestingly, he mentioned that he hadn’t seen anything at the party (I believe him, though it’s possible he glimpsed something briefly). As I began explaining what explicit material is, he reminded me that we had already touched on it during discussions about internet safety and cyberbullying—score one for me!
Nevertheless, I decided it was essential to discuss the topic in more depth, recognizing that this wouldn’t be the last time he might face such material. I explained what explicit content entails in straightforward terms and why some people are drawn to it while others are not. I emphasized that it often misrepresents real-life intimacy, which was crucial for him to understand. The portrayal of individuals in explicit content can be vastly different from genuine experiences of intimacy.
I also stressed that it’s wholly inappropriate for someone his age to view such material and that he should never feel ashamed to talk to me if he encounters it. After some eye-rolling and a chorus of “I know, Mom,” he shifted the conversation back to video games, where it belonged.
Finding guidance on how to navigate this conversation was challenging. My partner remarked that during his childhood, such exposures were rare and limited to finding outdated magazines or scrambled channels on cable—nothing as graphic or readily available as today’s internet.
However, it turns out my approach to “The Talk” wasn’t a complete failure. In a compelling article featured on The Huffington Post, Emily Johnson, a family therapist, emphasizes the importance of discussing explicit material with children early on. She highlights that curiosity about sexuality is entirely normal but that the extreme and often problematic nature of content found online is concerning.
Johnson advises parents to respond with empathy rather than anger, as your reaction can significantly influence your child’s perception of intimacy. She provides practical tips for these discussions, including maintaining an emotionally neutral stance, keeping the conversation positive, avoiding shame, educating about the potential harms of explicit content, and establishing clear household boundaries regarding viewing.
If you haven’t set up online safety measures in your home yet, now is the time to do so. Many parents assume that open dialogue is enough, but the best way to handle explicit material is to ensure it is not accessible in your home.
After my experience, I am taking this advice to heart. I plan to review and update our parental controls and continue these discussions, despite their discomfort. We all wish to shield our children from adult content, but it’s essential to be proactive in addressing it, starting early and often.
In summary, engaging children in discussions about explicit material is crucial as they navigate their formative years. By creating a safe space for open dialogue, parents can help guide their children through the complexities of sexuality and online content, ensuring they feel supported and informed.