My 17-month-old twins, a boy and a girl, are my first and only children. While the pregnancy wasn’t unexpected, hearing the doctor announce, “here’s one sac, and… here’s another sac” was a jolt. We knew several parents of twins who seemed to handle it, so how challenging could it be?
We felt confident. We could manage this. And… well, it was happening, so we had to embrace it.
When I shared the news of my twin pregnancy with my former manager, her excitement was palpable. She recounted a friend who had twins and how “completely chaotic” life was for her, day and night. As a mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old, she remarked that she couldn’t fathom how it could be that much harder. Naively, I agreed, hoping we were both right.
Turns out, we were mistaken. Now that we’ve entered our second year of parenting twins, we’ve realized that no amount of determination can prepare you for the whirlwind of the first year. As my mother-in-law wisely said around week six: “Having twins isn’t just one baby multiplied by two; it’s like one baby multiplied by eight.”
We are slowly learning that every challenge is fleeting. Just when we think we’ve mastered one hurdle, another arises. It’s a continuous cycle of errors, survival strategies, and the ultimate test of choosing your battles… times two.
For those of you raising two or more young children and wondering why twin parents appear more fatigued, here’s why:
- Lack of Prior Experience
Most new parents enter the journey unsure of what to expect. Despite the wealth of knowledge from parenting books and classes, all that information often evaporates once that tiny human arrives. However, as you navigate the challenges, you gradually find your rhythm. Eventually, you might even think, “Wouldn’t it be nice for my child to have a sibling?” and decide to expand your family. This time around, you’re equipped with knowledge, experience, and potentially a helpful older sibling. - When twins are your first experience, your toolkit is bare. You’re managing two infants who, despite being born at the same time, have completely different needs that arise simultaneously. The exhaustion multiplies as one baby is often awake (and likely crying). You might be recovering from a C-section and if breastfeeding, there are no breaks; you’re either feeding or pumping.
- While the initial months are challenging for all parents, those with older children have strategies to ease the transition.
- The Struggles of Solitude
Being alone with newborn twins can feel overwhelming. I don’t speak from extensive experience; I was so anxious about being left alone with my twins that I took every precaution to ensure it rarely happened in those early months. However, when it did occur, I anxiously counted the minutes until my husband or any other adult arrived. - Managing two crying, hungry babies while wrestling with a twin nursing pillow can send your anxiety soaring. If you’re fortunate, you might end up with two sleeping infants on your lap as you realize you desperately need to use the restroom, haven’t eaten all day, and have no idea where your phone is. Even if you could place one baby in a bassinet without waking them, what about the other? You remain seated, starving and praying for assistance before it’s too late.
- Invasive Questions
Twin parents often face a barrage of inappropriate questions in public. - “Are they identical?” Well, one is a boy and one is a girl, and they look nothing alike, so… no.
- “Did you have a natural birth?” Excuse me, do I know you?
- “Since you have a boy and a girl, you must be done, right?” Done with what? Life? This conversation?
- Perhaps the most absurd statement: “Oh! I’ve always wanted twins!” Should I offer you mine?
- Then there’s the classic, “Two for the price of one!” Oh, if only my wallet felt the same way.
- And my personal favorite, “Are you their mom or just babysitting?” I receive this due to my background, as my kids are multi-racial and have fairer skin. I’ve experimented with witty comebacks, but now I usually just smile politely and move on. Other parents may encounter silly questions too, but I doubt they’re as frequent or intrusive, and at least they’ve had the experience of going out with one baby, receiving just the routine “Oh, he or she is so cute!”
- The Reality of Two Toddlers
Need I say more? - No Hand-Me-Downs
Having twins can be financially taxing, especially if they’re your first children. There’s no older sibling’s car seat or clothes to reuse. Everything must be purchased anew, often in pairs: two high chairs, two car seats, two cribs… you get the idea. - There’s Never an Only Child
Twins always have each other, at all times. They will never experience being the sole child, and we, as parents, frequently miss out on bonding with just one child. In the rare moments I get to spend time alone with a single twin, I cherish it and emphasize the uniqueness of that experience.
I never anticipated becoming a mother to twins, and despite the challenges, I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, maybe a few personal aspects, but nothing about my incredible children. They are wonderfully imperfect, curious, rambunctious, and beautifully exhausting. If they decide to become parents someday, I hope to be there to support them through this daunting yet rewarding journey, whether it’s with one baby, two, or more.
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Summary
Parenting twins presents unique challenges that differ significantly from raising two children. From the lack of prior experience and the struggle of solitude to the invasive questions and the financial burden of having to purchase everything anew, twin parents navigate a distinct journey. Despite the chaos, the bond between twins offers a unique dynamic that shapes their childhood experiences.