5 Approaches to Educate Children on Sexual Abuse

I don’t recall his name, and his face eludes me. I have no idea how old he was, only that he loomed over me, a tall, lanky figure with fingers that seemed to curl like a snake.

During the 1980s, my mother often took my sister and me to various meetings. As a newly single parent navigating her journey, she participated in a multitude of gatherings—whether it was Weight Watchers, a book club, or a self-help session, I can’t recall. While the adults engaged in discussions in the living room, we kids would be in the adjoining den, lost in the chaos of play, wrestling, and laughter, with the television blaring in the background.

He would tickle me. I was around 9 or 10 years old—not quite a little child, yet not a teenager. I was somewhere in between. I can’t remember if my body was changing; I was only 10 when those changes began. But it didn’t matter; his interest wasn’t in that part of me.

In the corner, nestled between the worn green couches, he would tickle my belly. I felt trapped. Then, his fingers would wander between my legs. Initially, I thought it was a mistake, but his fingers lingered. It was a form of tickling I had never experienced before.

The first time it happened, I tucked it away as “odd, but likely unintentional.” My mother had often emphasized that our bodies belonged to us, and that no one should touch us in ways that made us uneasy. Yet as a child, I didn’t fully grasp what she meant by uncomfortable.

By the second occurrence, clarity struck: this was wrong. I realized that his repetition indicated intention, not accident. My mother was diligent about safety and personal boundaries—some might call her overly protective. She frequently outlined what was acceptable, particularly regarding our bodies. We were aware of local kidnappings and were trained not to accept candy from strangers or engage with anyone exhibiting suspicious behavior. Most crucially, she taught us to be mindful and confident about our bodies. We used the correct terms, like “breasts” and “vagina,” and understood the basics of reproduction. We learned that sexual feelings were natural and that self-exploration was private.

Although it may seem unusual for a child of that age to possess such knowledge, I was equipped with this understanding. When I recognized that the boy’s actions were inappropriate, I felt empowered to confide in my mother.

When I did tell her, she was furious—not with me, but for me. She validated my feelings and reassured me that what happened was wrong. I could sense her pride in my courage to speak up.

Unaddressed trauma lingers, festering and resurfacing unexpectedly, impacting one’s life. While my experience with molestation may seem minor compared to others, it was significant enough to affect me. This narrative is not uncommon; studies suggest that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will endure sexual abuse during childhood. Such incidents occur, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not, and if left unaddressed, they can escalate.

I often reflect on my gratitude for my mother’s actions. She removed me from the situation and ensured we never returned, confronting the young man’s parents to assert that he had crossed a boundary. Thankfully, I never faced a similar experience again.

Now, as a mother of two sons, I strive to impart the same knowledge my mother shared with me. I want my sons to understand their bodies, the concept of sex, and the importance of boundaries. Open conversations have been our norm since their early years. I emphasize the significance of trusting instincts and approaching me with any discomfort.

To prepare children to report suspicious behavior, they need language, self-awareness, and confidence. Avoiding the realities of abuse only fosters secrecy. Here are some strategies to help educate your children based on my experience and research:

1. Provide Clear Information About Sex

Avoid waiting for a “big talk.” Begin discussing the basics of reproduction early, clarifying how babies develop and the role of parents. As children grow, engage them in conversations about sexual imagery in media versus real life.

2. Educate About Their Bodies

Like my mother, I use accurate terminology for body parts. Children must understand their bodies and know which parts are private. They should also learn that certain areas can produce pleasurable sensations and that self-exploration is normal, but should be done privately.

3. Clarify Boundaries

Explicitly define which body parts are private and what constitutes a violation. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s crucial that children understand who can touch them and under what circumstances.

4. Instill Bodily Autonomy

Teach children they control their bodies. Encourage them to express discomfort in any situation, whether it’s with a relative or during play. They should also learn to respect others’ boundaries.

5. Maintain Open Communication

Foster ongoing dialogue about your children’s lives. Understand who is supervising them in activities, especially outside the home. Establish check-in times to discuss feelings and experiences. Normalizing discussions about emotions allows children to express themselves without fear of shame.

If children report anything concerning, it’s vital to believe and investigate their claims. Should you suspect abuse, don’t hesitate to contact authorities. It’s essential to express anger over the situation and provide support, ensuring your children know they will never encounter their abuser again.

For detailed guidelines on this subject, you may want to check this resource, which offers extensive information on related topics. For additional insights on fertility, consider visiting this site.

In summary, equipping children with knowledge about their bodies and boundaries can empower them to protect themselves against potential abuse. Open dialogue and a supportive environment are key to ensuring they feel safe discussing any uncomfortable experiences.