As a mother, I find myself relying on wine more than I’d like to admit. The moment the clock strikes five, I pour myself a glass of Merlot, and by the time I head to bed, the bottle is often empty. Whether I’m tipsy or nearly drunk varies from night to night. If I have a busy day ahead, I’ll take it easy; otherwise, my aim is simply to get intoxicated.
I’ve been known to indulge in more than just one casual glass of wine. The thought of limiting myself to just one or two feels suffocating. Drinking has become a sort of game for me — a challenge to see how much I can consume without drawing attention or collapsing into bed first.
But the question lingers: Am I an alcoholic?
I don’t drink daily, and when I’m home alone with my kids, I abstain entirely. I wait until after five to start my drinking, and I’m usually in bed by nine, hoping to sleep off the effects by morning. However, the mornings after a night of heavy drinking can be brutal. I drag myself out of bed, battling a pounding headache and a queasy stomach, knowing I have children who rely on me. What once would have been a day of relaxation often turns into me nursing my hangover and postponing responsibilities until tomorrow.
My father was an alcoholic, beginning his beer consumption before 9 am and switching to gin by the afternoon. He hid his liquor around the house, and even he acknowledged his addiction. In contrast, I find myself drinking wine like many moms do on social media. I often resort to alcohol to cope with the challenges of parenting, the constant pressure to excel, and the monotony of daily life. While I pride myself on being responsible — never driving under the influence and generally keeping my drinking in check — my thoughts often revolve around when I can have my next drink. I plan my social events around opportunities to drink and find myself in a constant pursuit of more.
Despite maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including a balanced diet and regular exercise, this near-daily obsession with alcohol is eroding my well-being. It creates guilt and shame that linger long after the effects have worn off. This cycle holds me back from being the mother, wife, and friend I aspire to be, limiting my potential for personal growth and fulfillment.
All of my friends indulge in wine, and we often joke about “wine o’clock.” We gather for girls’ nights, drinking as if the wine will spoil. It’s as though alcohol transforms the exhausting aspects of parenting into moments of humor and insight. Surely, not all of us can be alcoholics; we’re just moms looking for a break.
I am intelligent, active, and surrounded by loved ones who could leave if I don’t change my behavior. I have young children who need me to be present, focused, and sober.
So, am I an alcoholic?
The answer is clear: Yes. And it’s time for a change.
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In summary, my relationship with alcohol has become a pressing concern, one that interferes with my role as a mother and impacts my overall quality of life. Acknowledging this reality is the first step toward recovery and reclaiming my life.