A Family Court Judge Will Determine My Future

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How did I end up in this situation? Today marks my family court hearing, and I am about to stand before a judge who will dictate how often I can see my children. The anxiety is overwhelming, and my heart aches.

It’s difficult to fathom that the future of both my children and myself hinges on a man who knows little about our lives or the events that brought us to this moment. I never imagined that after gazing into their innocent faces for the first time, I would find myself in a courtroom, fighting for the chance to spend time with them. While I don’t resent the judge—he’s simply trying to make the best decision based on the information at hand—I do feel a deep sense of frustration.

Inappropriately, I want to ask in that courtroom, where was their father during those sleepless nights when I was up at 3 AM feeding them or soothing my colicky child? Where was he when I juggled work and parenting, barely managing on just an hour of sleep? What about the evenings spent cleaning vomit or fishing toys out of the bathtub during chaotic bath times? I was entrenched in parenting, doing it alone.

Sure, their dad had his job, but so did I, and I took no shortcuts. I dedicated my days to work, only to return home to two little boys who depended on me as much as they needed air. I made career choices to ensure I could be present for them, sacrificing my own needs in the process. I never once second-guessed my commitment; I have shown up every day without complaint.

Now that they are older and more self-sufficient, I feel as though their father is ready to step in and claim the title of “hero.” I’m being told that my role is diminished now that the challenges of early parenthood have subsided, and he can finally swoop in to save the day. All those times I brought them to work during school breaks, took time off for their illnesses, or brought them along for a workout are seemingly forgotten.

It’s painful to think that after all I’ve invested in their upbringing, the acknowledgment of my efforts seems to vanish. Why does my choice to seek peace and avoid constant conflict become a reason to limit my time with them?

I understand that children need their fathers, but mothers are equally essential. Who do they turn to when they need comfort? Who wipes away tears and attends doctor appointments? That’s right—Mom. I have never been waiting for things to get easier; I’ve been knee-deep in parenting since I learned about my pregnancy. Regardless of the judge’s decision or their father’s demands, I am their mother, and that will never change.

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In summary, navigating the complexities of family court can be emotionally taxing, particularly when it feels as though a judge is determining your role as a parent without fully understanding your journey. Amidst the challenges, the bond between a mother and her children remains unwavering, and it’s crucial that both parents are recognized for their contributions.