By: Lila Green
I’m drained.
Not just physically, but mentally—I’m utterly fatigued. Each day seems to add another burden to my already heavy load, making it a struggle to stand tall. As a single mother, my greatest wish is to find someone who can help share this burden or, at the very least, allow me to set it down for a moment. Unfortunately, that option isn’t available to me.
Single parents are expected to handle everything, always. We rarely get a moment of respite. There’s no one else to lean on; we are everything for ourselves and our children.
Friends often express their admiration by saying, “I don’t know how you manage.” While I appreciate their sentiment, the reality is that if I don’t take care of things, no one else will. This responsibility ranges from everyday tasks like grocery shopping and preparing meals to critical obligations like paying bills and ensuring we have a roof over our heads. Since my daughter was born, I’ve had to seek jobs with flexible hours because traditional childcare was beyond my means, and family support was limited.
Currently, I freelance, which adds a layer of hustle to my already packed schedule. There was a time when I worked nearly every day of the week, and my daughter wasn’t even in preschool yet. While I’m fortunate to work from home, it’s not always easy when I have a little one climbing on me or needing a trip to the park to burn off some energy.
Being a solo parent and a full-time freelancer means I constantly worry about finances. I maintain one reliable job but still juggle multiple gigs to fill in the gaps. When payments are delayed, I find myself playing a stressful game of “which bills can wait?” Rent, utilities, and internet take precedence. For many, internet access might seem like a luxury, but without it, my ability to work is compromised.
I’m grateful that I qualify for SNAP benefits, which alleviates some financial pressure regarding groceries. My daughter, being a lively four-year-old, has a voracious appetite, so I’m always feeding her.
People often inquire—out of genuine concern—about why my daughter’s father doesn’t assist more. The truth is, he works long hours too. When he can, he takes her to the park or school a few times a week, allowing me to focus on work or attend to appointments. However, during those times, I’m not lounging around; I’m running errands or catching up on deadlines.
Some argue that having her father in the picture means I’m not truly a single mom. The reality is, he has her for only a few hours each week, leaving me responsible for nearly all the childcare and the vast majority of our financial obligations. So, to those who doubt my status, I firmly identify as a single mother.
“You’re so strong,” they say.
Honestly, I’m tired of being labeled as strong. My strength isn’t a choice; it’s a necessity. If I show any sign of weakness, everything could unravel. I long for a partner who can recognize when I’m overwhelmed and encourage me to take a break. I wish I could shower during the day without fretting over my child’s antics or spend a leisurely afternoon with her without repeatedly saying, “Mommy has to work now; please play by yourself.” I crave someone to comfort me instead of sobbing into my phone to a friend miles away.
I’m weary of putting on a brave face to hide the cracks beneath the surface. I wish I could be honest when people ask how I’m holding up, but I don’t want to burden others with my struggles. I carry enough emotional weight already.
I’m exhausted from being too worn out to seek companionship. I’m tired of fulfilling every role, both for myself and my child. It frustrates me when people commend my strength as if I had any other option. Weakness isn’t a luxury I can afford; I’ve fought too hard to get us this far to let it all fall apart now.
For those navigating similar challenges, there are resources available. The CDC offers valuable information on pregnancy that could assist in understanding your journey better. If you’re considering options like home insemination, you might find useful insights at this blog, and for those looking into fertility boosters for men, Make a Mom provides authoritative advice.
In summary, being a single parent is an all-consuming role that often leaves little room for rest or support. It requires resilience that many may admire but few understand the true weight of.