When contemplating parenthood, my focus was never on the number of children I would have; rather, it was on whether I wanted any at all. Observing the dynamics of my family, I often felt that the men contributed little while expecting much from the women. The parents around me often seemed stressed and irritable, leading me to believe that the whole experience was somewhat overrated.
However, after finishing high school, my life took an unexpected turn toward the traditional. I fell in love, moved in with my partner, and married him at just twenty-one. A few years later, I decided to embrace a conventional path and welcomed my first child. My daughter was born in 2011 when I was twenty-four, and I was overjoyed.
I cherished my daughter deeply, experiencing all the clichés about motherhood firsthand. My husband was different from the men I had known; he actively participated in parenting, changing diapers and contributing to household tasks. We were content, but as it turns out, that was just the beginning of my journey.
Unbeknownst to me, there exists an unspoken expectation that once you start having children, you should continue. This norm became apparent when I received unsolicited questions about my plans for more children. One such inquiry came from an elderly woman at a store when my daughter was merely six months old. “When are you planning to have a sibling for her?” she asked, as if it were as routine as discussing the weather. I was taken aback—wasn’t having one child enough?
As I responded, “We haven’t thought about it; we might just stick with one,” her curt response, “Oh, you can’t do that,” lingered in my mind. At the time, I laughed it off, but it sowed seeds of doubt about my decision. Was it wrong to desire only one child? Would my daughter suffer from being an only child?
As my daughter grew, similar comments from family, friends, and even strangers became more frequent. Questions like, “Aren’t you worried about the age gap?” echoed in my ears. My husband became adept at countering these inquiries, reminding others that children are not like chips—you don’t need to have more than one.
To connect with other parents, I formed a mommy group and organized playdates. While it was delightful to see my daughter interact with her peers, the reality of my friends’ pregnancies weighed heavily on me. I admired their resilience, yet I couldn’t fathom going through another pregnancy so soon after my exhausting experience with hyperemesis. I often reassured them, “Maybe in a year; we’ll see.”
Fast forward a few years, my daughter is nearing five, and I continue to grapple with the idea of raising an only child. Is it selfish of me? Am I missing out? I watch friends who are expecting their third child, marveling at their ability to manage the chaos of multiple kids. Meanwhile, I relish my uninterrupted time while my daughter is in preschool—running, walking the dog, or enjoying a coffee solo. I am unapologetic about savoring these moments.
Yet, I also struggle with days when fatigue makes it difficult to engage fully with my daughter. In those challenging moments, I wonder if I could handle a second child. Could I be the best parent possible for two? The truth is, it’s unlikely, as no one can be perfect all the time. Every family faces its own set of challenges, regardless of how many children it has.
I don’t see my daughter as merely an “only” child—she is my child, and our family is complete. Our life is fulfilling; my husband’s job allows me to stay home, and we have plans for a Disney trip soon. However, I recognize that adding another child would change everything. Would it be worth it? The reality is that no one can say for certain, and many parents might hesitate to admit any regrets about expanding their families.
In conclusion, the decision to have one child or more is complex and deeply personal. There is no right or wrong choice; each family must determine what works best for them. For those considering their options, resources such as this article on home insemination or this resource on fertility can provide valuable insights.
Summary:
In navigating the complexities of parenthood, the author reflects on the societal pressures to have more than one child. Through personal experiences and observations, she highlights the joy and fulfillment found in raising a single child, while also addressing the doubts and concerns that can arise in response to external expectations. Ultimately, the decision to have one child or more is deeply individual and should be respected.