As a mother with ADHD, I rely heavily on my planner—it’s as essential to me as air. My year began with a planner purchased late, on January 2nd, already filled with appointments I had to scramble to transfer from various notes and sources. I spent an exhausting hour trying to recall recurring events and important dates, often needing the help of social media reminders, last year’s calendar, and my 8-year-old son. If I don’t jot down these details, they simply vanish from my mind. This is the reality for a mom managing ADHD.
My experience with ADHD has evolved over the years. I was more hyperactive in my teenage years, but now I identify more with the inattentive aspect of the disorder. I managed to navigate life relatively well until my first child was born, at which point everything seemed to unravel. Living in chaos is manageable when you’re childless, but once you have a baby, keeping the environment tidy becomes crucial for safety and comfort.
After years of struggling, I was finally diagnosed and treated by my psychiatrist, which transformed my life. Household chores, like laundry, no longer felt insurmountable, and I remembered trash day more consistently. My husband also shares similar challenges with ADHD, which complicates things further.
However, medication doesn’t erase all my struggles. I still contend with ADHD symptoms daily. I might seem like a disorganized scatterbrain to the outside world, or at times, an overly meticulous planner.
Take my car as a case in point. After a thorough cleaning, it gradually fills up with forgotten items like fast-food wrappers and an old purse. My good intentions often fall short, leading to my kids riding in what resembles a trash compactor, which I find embarrassing in front of other moms.
This disorganization extends to scheduling. There have been multiple occasions where I commit to two events simultaneously, like agreeing to attend a board game event while also promising a friend I’d bring my kids over to see her new kitten. When I finally remember my double-booked schedule, I face the dilemma of which commitment to break. Fortunately, most people are understanding, yet my tendency to double-book, especially on Fridays, remains a frequent occurrence.
On the flip side, my ADHD sometimes leads to hyperfocus—intensely concentrating on things I find engaging. For example, I plan my children’s outfits a week in advance, right down to their underwear. This routine helps ease the morning chaos, particularly since two of my kids also have ADHD. Similarly, I apply this focus to homeschooling, maintaining a structured routine that includes subjects like math and science, all carefully documented.
Yet, hyperfocus isn’t without its drawbacks. I recently became engrossed in sewing after receiving a machine for Christmas, spending my free time lost in Pinterest projects. While I’m learning to sew, it has meant that my husband has taken on more parenting duties, and my children have been watching more television than I’d like. I find it challenging to step away from my sewing machine to read them a story or play games.
Social interactions pose another challenge. Inattentive ADHD affects my ability to read social cues, making it tough to form connections with other mothers. Fortunately, I’ve found a supportive group of friends who understand my situation, but I still struggle with misinterpreting their emotions or the significance of certain events, which often leads to apologies on my part.
Despite the chaos, I believe my children are thriving. They’re well-dressed and receive a solid education, while I’ve adopted a relaxed attitude towards messes in the home. They might be embarrassed by our cluttered car or frustrated by my scheduling mishaps, yet they remain generally happy. Life may not always be fun or easy, but we manage to cope, adapt, and make the best of our circumstances. Ultimately, regardless of the challenges posed by ADHD or any other condition, all we can do is navigate through and find our rhythm.
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Summary:
Being a mother with ADHD involves navigating a chaotic but fulfilling life. From relying on a planner to manage commitments to experiencing moments of hyperfocus, the journey is a constant balancing act. My children are well cared for, even if our car resembles a dumpster at times. Ultimately, despite the challenges, we find ways to adapt and thrive.