Since my early years, I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Often referred to as my own worst enemy, I am reminded that if I could truly acknowledge the challenges I’ve overcome, I would treat myself with far more kindness. Unfortunately, my affinity for social media amplifies these insecurities. I find myself ensnared in a cycle of comparison, constantly measuring my worth against others. She’s more attractive. She’s more successful. She’s effortlessly creative. She has a better job, more followers, and even a sharper wit. The list goes on.
While I could attribute these feelings to a turbulent upbringing or negative feedback I received over the years, the reality is, I ultimately hold the power over my self-perception. Yet, there are moments when this realization feels daunting.
My favorite affirmation, “Actually, I can,” often morphs into a self-doubting “Who am I kidding?” Now at 46, I have a daughter, Lily, who faces similar struggles. I recognize that my negative self-talk has likely influenced her views on her own self-worth.
About a year ago, Lily decided to delete her social media accounts, fed up with the constant comparisons that plagued her mental well-being. She took charge of her narrative, a move I deeply admire.
Recently, my stepdaughter, Sarah, tied the knot in a beautiful ceremony. However, when the photos were shared, instead of celebrating the joyful occasion, I found myself criticizing my appearance. As I stood next to Lily, I launched into a litany of self-criticism. “Ugh, my hair looks terrible. My body looks awful. Why did I choose that dress?” Soon, Lily joined in, echoing my sentiments—thankfully, she skipped the comments about my figure.
Lily observes my behavior and internalizes my negativity, inadvertently believing it’s acceptable to speak poorly about herself. Then, in a moment of maturity, she proposed a challenge: for every negative remark I make about myself, she has the right to do the same about herself. I was determined not to let her down, realizing I couldn’t allow her to fall into the same trap I had.
Before I knew it, I had failed the challenge. How do I shift my mindset after 40 years of ingrained self-criticism? It’s a struggle to adjust my thought patterns when self-deprecation feels so natural. I despise being present, engaging in positive self-talk, or trying to maintain a spiritual practice. It’s challenging and demands effort, an area where I often lack motivation regarding self-care. Yet, I recognize this work is crucial to prevent myself from sinking deeper into feelings of worthlessness.
I may be in the trenches of this battle, but I am working to filter my words and cultivate a kinder internal dialogue. Perhaps it will take decades to unravel the layers of negative self-image, but every layer shed brings me closer to the person I was meant to become.
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In summary, my journey toward self-compassion is ongoing, influenced significantly by my daughter’s perspective. By striving to change my narrative, I hope to set a positive example for her and ultimately foster a healthier relationship with myself.