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Calm Down: Your Middle Schooler Doesn’t Require A Smartphone, Here’s Why
My eldest child received his first cell phone at the age of 13—this was seven years ago, long before the allure of Snapchat’s disappearing messages or the constant updates of Instagram. It was a simple flip phone, and the only reason I relented was due to a frantic afternoon when he found himself stranded on a golf course during a lightning storm.
The inexpensive flip phone served its purpose effectively, even though it was misplaced several times (as children and responsibility often don’t align). Its simplicity rendered it a non-issue. Besides, the fact that his only contacts were his parents helped ease any concerns I had about him having a phone. It was just a phone, after all.
However, the transformation of cell phones into what are essentially pocket-sized computers, overflowing with applications, means that today’s children are not merely using phones to call home for a ride after soccer practice. They are integrating smartphones into every facet of their lives.
Consider the lyrics in a recent Apple iPhone commercial:
“I think that I’ll keep loving you, way past sixty-five
We made a language for us two, we don’t need to describe
Every time you call on me, I drop what I do
You are my best friend and we’ve got some stuff to shoot”
Yes, kids! This sleek, $1,000 device is designed to recognize just your face and is poised to become your closest companion. Think of all the activities you can engage in together with your phone!
My second child received an iPhone at 15 when he began driving. By that time, flip phones were becoming increasingly rare. The convenience of adding him to my plan, coupled with essential apps for safe driving, maps, and other aids for his newfound independence, made the decision straightforward. He also began using the phone for various high school assignments, leveraging email and cloud storage for his schoolwork.
I felt assured that by the time he reached driving age, his maturity and understanding of social media would mitigate risks such as sexting, cyberbullying, and the obsession with sharing every moment on newsfeeds. He’s now 18 and has successfully navigated what can be a perilous period of teenage smartphone usage.
However, times have shifted, and I’ve resolved that my third child will not receive a smartphone until he is 16 and driving independently. He just turned 14 and has been pleading for one for the past three years, claiming he “needs” it for countless reasons that he struggles to articulate. And therein lies the crux of my decision.
I recognize I might be in the minority here, as he insists he’s the only eighth-grader without a phone. Meanwhile, my fifth-grader is lamenting his own lack of one. I’ve declined his requests more times than I can count and allowed him to use my phone at home, where I can monitor his activity on Instagram or Twitter. Yet, he continues to plead, convinced of his maturity to handle whatever challenges a smartphone may present. But is he truly ready?
Even if he is, should children be mindlessly glued to screens at such young ages as ten, twelve, or fourteen? I don’t believe so.
And I’m not alone in this sentiment. Recently, two investors in Apple expressed their concerns regarding the addiction of youth to smartphones. In a critical letter to Apple, they highlighted the potential dangers of smartphone usage among children and called for the development of software tools to help parents manage and limit phone use more effectively. They urged Apple to investigate the effects of excessive phone use on mental health.
The statistics cited in their letter are alarming, and it’s encouraging to see that these investors, alongside pediatricians and educators, are acknowledging what is becoming this generation’s drug of choice—their smartphones.
My 14-year-old can continue to plead for a phone, and I will stand firm in my reply of “no.” This is a complete response because I don’t feel compelled to justify my decision. He may complain and find me unpopular for what seems like an eternity of discontent. Yet, he will engage in typical 14-year-old activities, such as playing outside, fishing, or reading a book (gasp!). In doing so, he will discover personal happiness and fulfillment without relying on the validation of likes, pings, feeds, or snaps.
Remember when children could find joy in simple activities? I do, and I believe it’s time to revive that spirit.
For further insights on parenting and family planning, you can explore our other blog posts, including this one about the importance of informed decisions in your journey. For those navigating the world of family planning, Make a Mom offers valuable guidance. Additionally, Resolve provides excellent resources on intrauterine insemination and related topics.
Summary:
This article discusses the implications of middle schoolers having smartphones, reflecting on personal experiences with different devices across age milestones. It emphasizes the importance of waiting until children are more mature and responsible before introducing them to smartphones, particularly in light of concerns about addiction and mental health.