As a mother of a biracial child, the realization that my son sees race is both fascinating and a bit daunting. Recently, while watching a sports game, my 2-year-old son, Alex, pointed excitedly at the television and exclaimed, “Look, it’s Uncle Thomas!” The athlete on the screen was actually the legendary Kobe Bryant. Although my brother is a solid 5-foot-8 and not exactly a basketball player, this moment highlighted a significant milestone in Alex’s development—his growing awareness of skin color.
On another occasion, Alex proclaimed that his uncle was also LeBron James and even a random college basketball player. While I found the comparisons amusing, I was initially concerned. As a Black mother, I recognize that discussions about race are essential, often starting earlier for Black families due to societal influences. Children as young as 2 or 3 begin to notice skin color differences, and I was uncertain how to navigate this conversation with a mixed-race child who might not wholly identify with either side of his heritage.
I questioned whether I had done enough to expose him to diverse environments. Although we live next to an Indian family and his daycare has a multicultural mix of children, the adults he regularly encountered were primarily white. My family, all of whom are African-American, has made an effort to be involved, yet Uncle Thomas was the only young Black male figure in his life. I worried that Alex might form limited associations, equating Black men solely with sports figures and overlooking the depth of identity that exists beyond their public personas.
When I asked Alex about his own color, he confidently declared he was “white like Daddy.” I gently corrected him, explaining that he was a blend of both his mother and father. Interestingly, he struggled to identify his father’s skin tone as well, often associating “Daddy” with various figures he saw on TV—from famous singers to politicians.
Listening closely to Alex’s observations eased my initial worries. He recognized color differences but had yet to internalize harmful societal biases that often accompany these distinctions. He proudly acknowledged his friends with brown skin and those from “Chinese,” never expressing negativity about their appearances. I realized that our intentional efforts to engage with cultural events and promote diversity in his environment were paying off. He viewed friendships across racial lines as completely normal, embracing the idea of having both “brown” and “peach” families.
As Alex turns 5, his understanding of his racial identity continues to evolve. He no longer sees himself simply as “white like Daddy” but more as a mix of shades. One day in the bath, he joyfully announced he shared a color with his younger brother, who was not yet born. He remarked that he might be light brown but not as dark as me, his mother. His comparisons have shifted from athletes to family, which indicates a deeper connection to his identity.
While I am aware that as he grows older, societal messages may become more complex, I remain hopeful. If he can cultivate authentic friendships that transcend racial lines at a young age, it sets a positive foundation for his understanding of identity.
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In summary, my biracial son’s awareness of race is an opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection rather than a source of fear. By fostering an environment that encourages open dialogue and diverse relationships, we can help him navigate his identity positively.