“Look at her in pajamas under a hospital gown,” someone chuckled softly. “You’re not changing his diaper correctly—he seems upset,” another remarked, as they nudged me away from the baby’s crib. “Are you sleeping again?” “What does your scar look like?”
These were just a few of the comments I received from family members after delivering my first child. While I knew they meant well, I regretted having compromised my wish for a visitor-free experience in the hospital to accommodate those eager to see me.
I forced a smile while battling exhaustion. After a C-section, I was on pain medication and recovering from a traumatic delivery that had my baby arriving two weeks early due to critical low oxygen levels. My thoughts were far from cheerful; all I wanted was to eat, rest, and bond with my newborn, whom I hadn’t even been able to hold until nearly four hours post-surgery.
Yes, I missed witnessing my child’s birth because I had to undergo general anesthesia. To add to my stress, I was alone in the operating room while my husband scrambled to catch a flight home from his Navy base, 800 miles away.
So how did I feel about uninvited guests? I felt grateful for their love, yet frustrated that, instead of recovering from major surgery, I was forced to pretend that their presence was welcome. I had rushed out of my home in a panic, bleeding and unprepared, leaving no time to change into something presentable. I was learning how to be a mom and didn’t ask for help because I wanted to figure out diaper changes on my own. Yes, I was dozing off due to strong medication, and no, I wasn’t showing anyone my scar. I could hardly look at it myself, so please stay out of my personal space.
I hadn’t realized that even after a C-section, the body undergoes significant changes, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable lying in bed, wearing a hospital gown and adult diapers, trying to host these unexpected visitors. As a private person, I struggled to maintain a conversation while feeling exposed. Instead of enjoying precious moments with my newborn, I was sharing him with family, nurses, and doctors who frequently checked on us. I appreciated their love and presents, but all I desired was time to recuperate and connect with my baby after the NICU ordeal.
When my husband finally arrived, I wanted to cherish time alone as a family, but that could only happen in the early morning hours after visitors had left and nurses finished their rounds. Unfortunately, this coincided with the time we desperately needed to sleep.
Fast forward to now, and we are expecting our second child. My husband and I have debated this issue repeatedly: how will we handle visitors with baby number two? Personally, I want none. I tried to be accommodating last time, and as expected, it left me feeling uncomfortable.
My husband, whose family resides nearby, disagrees, fearing they will be upset if not invited to the hospital shortly after the birth. I understand his concerns, but it brings me back to the dilemma I faced after my last C-section: should I create a VIP list of visitors or allow anyone to come and deal with the fallout?
Ultimately, we’ve agreed that my feelings take precedence. We cannot please everyone, nor should we have to. Why should I worry about family drama during this special time? If I prefer no visitors post-delivery, that should be respected. I have a right to privacy, and I deserve to prioritize my comfort over others’ expectations. This is a rare moment when a mother can be selfish, and it’s vital to draw that line.
We plan to ask hospital staff to restrict visitors. If anyone has a problem with that, they will need to manage their feelings because it’s inappropriate to dictate what a new mother can request regarding her company after childbirth. If family cannot be considerate of my needs during this significant time, I won’t be concerned about their feelings either.
Hospital staff, please close the door. No visitors, please.
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In summary, I wish to prioritize my comfort and privacy after the birth of my second child, ensuring that my needs are respected above all else.