I observe you as you gently detach your child from your leg at the school entrance, striving to keep your calm while silently urging them to hold it together and join the other kids who effortlessly walk into class.
I see you navigating the grocery store, trying to prevent your little one from toppling over the impressive stack of oranges while energetically bouncing to grab the “perfect” banana that, “Mommy, you just must buy!”
I notice you hesitating to respond and shifting the topic when your child poses a question that could lead to a disappointing answer in front of others—doing everything in your power to distract and avert yet another public meltdown.
I see you at playdates, where other mothers exchange stories, recipes, and book recommendations, delving into adult conversations that you long for but can’t join. Instead, you remain close to your child, who requires your attention for one reason or another, every second of the playdate.
I witness your quiet tears as one by one, other kids tell your child to “Go away!” when they ask to join in because they need a little extra patience—a demand that, at four years old, is often too much for their peers. You understand this pain all too well, as some days it feels like a significant challenge for you too. Yet, every time you see your child struggle socially, it feels like a wound that never fully heals.
At family-friendly gatherings, while other adults sip drinks and engage in effortless conversation, you are on high alert, worried about the potential dangers lurking around every corner—whether it be a high balcony or fragile heirlooms on display. You know your child can’t be left unattended and that the mental load of possible emotional outbursts keeps you from enjoying adult interaction, which is why you often decline invitations to others’ homes.
I see you sitting in the parking lot, your child securely fastened in their car seat instead of walking to pick up your older child. They prefer not to engage with anyone, and the mere thought of the emotional landmines that a casual “Hello” might trigger is simply exhausting. Five minutes of stillness in one spot feels like a rare gift that you can’t explain to anyone whose children play independently or allow them a moment to themselves.
Your days are filled with unexpected challenges, injuries, and heightened emotions. Routine tasks require extensive planning, a bag loaded with snacks, and an assortment of essential items stowed in your vehicle, just in case.
I recognize you instantly; we are kindred spirits. When we cross paths at the park, we share a knowing glance that speaks volumes. We are the moms who apologize to other parents when our kids inadvertently knock theirs over—be it physically or emotionally. We are the ones comforting our little ones who are overwhelmed by the social dynamics of the playground, while other kids play freely, building sandcastles and racing down slides. Our children cling to us, needing our hands to feel secure.
Raising a child with intense feelings means that emotions surge in both their hearts and yours. These high-energy kids possess an insatiable curiosity, an eagerness to engage with the world, and an innate need to explore everything and everyone. It can be exhausting. Yet, their passion for living in the moment is infectious—they discover the extraordinary in the mundane.
They notice the precise day the first bud blooms in the garden or that the black ear of the dog feels softer than the white one. They marvel at how countless raindrops on the window merge into pictures when you run your fingers through them on a rainy morning. That unmatched intensity allows us to experience moments of pure love when our little ones lean close, hold our faces in their tiny hands, and declare, “I love you, Mommy, you’re the bestest mommy in the whole universe!” with a devotion that seems rare.
To the mother of the child who expresses their feelings outwardly, I raise a virtual “Cheers!” to you. While we may never cross paths at a perfectly organized mommy group or exercise class that we can’t attend, know that I see you. If we could ever find a distraction-free moment to connect, I imagine we could become good friends.
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Summary
This article offers a heartfelt perspective for mothers of intense children, acknowledging their struggles, the unique challenges they face, and the moments of joy that accompany raising these vibrant kids.