A few days ago, while I was searching for fresh images to display on the corkboard above my workspace, I stumbled upon a collection of old photographs featuring my partner and me. These snapshots captured moments of us enjoying the simple pleasures of life—feeding ducks at a park, wandering through a county fair, and diving into the excitement of a horror movie festival in the city. Our faces beamed with joy as we embraced or strolled hand-in-hand. Looking at these images made me reflect, “I’m not the same person I once was.”
Both my partner and I have undergone significant transformations since we tied the knot. It’s hard to believe that friends who knew us six years ago would recognize the individuals we are today. This evolution is a positive development. Marriage, I believe, is meant to inspire personal growth and to help each partner discover their best selves. Contrary to popular belief, I argue that striving for change within your spouse isn’t inherently bad advice. You should want to encourage their growth, aiming to help them become stronger and more confident versions of themselves.
Much like teammates in sports, partners in a marriage support each other’s development. They train, encourage, and practice together to reach their fullest potential. My partner never pressured me to alter who I was; such demands never entered our relationship. Instead, our changes happened organically over the years we’ve spent together.
When I first met my partner, I was navigating through my mid-to-late twenties, still grappling with the concept of adulthood. Stuck in a relationship that no longer served me, working a job that felt stagnant, and unable to complete my college education, I was drifting. I often felt like an awkward duckling, aimlessly paddling in circles, unsure of how to break free from my insecurities.
Through my struggles with body image and self-worth, he reminded me of my beauty. During times of confusion and uncertainty, he reassured me of my purpose. When I faced setbacks in my academic journey, he consistently encouraged me to persist, reminding me of my potential. Each morning now, as I prepare for a career I never thought I could achieve, I find myself contemplating, “Who is this woman in the mirror? Where did she come from?”
My appearance may have remained relatively the same—perhaps a few inches of hair and a slight weight change—but I am undeniably not the same individual I once was. The man I married played a pivotal role in this transformation. He embraced a young woman who struggled with self-doubt and helped her evolve into a confident, empowered individual. He achieved this not through demands for change or criticism, but simply by saying, “I love you, and I believe in you.”
Together, we navigated this journey of growth, sometimes as a team and at other times individually. I achieved milestones like completing my education, applying for jobs, and even starting a blog. We also tackled challenges together, such as relocating to a new city, creating a budget, and considering adoption. My partner has also made significant strides on his own, launching a business and setting personal boundaries to foster a fulfilling life.
We are not the same people we once were; we’ve evolved into better versions of ourselves. It’s essential to reject the notion that you shouldn’t seek positive change in your partner. While you shouldn’t force transformation upon them, fostering their growth, supporting their dreams, and nurturing their aspirations should be a priority. Through the partnership of marriage, both individuals should find themselves more self-assured, empowered to set boundaries, and ready to embrace life together.
In conclusion, I have transformed since my wedding day, and so has my partner. We have both grown, evolved, and emerged as better versions of ourselves.
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