In navigating the complexities of parenthood, I find it challenging yet necessary to confront the reality that I might have a favorite child. The journeys surrounding the births of my two oldest and youngest children were long and arduous. Both were brought into this world by the same obstetrician, emerging bald and cone-headed, eagerly seeking nourishment. My middle child, Leo, however, made a swift entrance in just four hours, becoming known as the baby who almost made his debut in a local diner. With his distinctive dark hair, he arrived quietly, taking his time to latch on. Right from the start, Leo was different.
Let me clarify: I love all my children equally. However, (there’s always a “however”), the way I connect with them varies significantly.
I find immense joy in spending time with my oldest, Max, and my youngest, Sunny. Max, in particular, is easy to engage with. He has a curiosity for various subjects and now that he is reading voraciously, we can dive into fascinating conversations about topics like Greek mythology and Revolutionary War strategies. Our discussions go beyond surface level; I share secrets with him, confide in him about my mental health, and we explore what it means to navigate life as individuals with ADHD. In essence, he is a captivating child, the one who makes it simple to bond.
Sunny, my last baby, brings his own magic. Barely four years old, he sports long, sun-kissed locks and often expresses his affection with simple phrases like “Me hungry, mama” or “Me love you, mama.” His presence is a soothing balm, and I cherish the moments we cuddle together. There is something inherently special about being the youngest—a warmth and sparkle that is undeniable. If you have more than one child, you likely understand the unique connection with your youngest.
Then there’s Leo. He has a passion for many things, particularly animals, which can be both delightful and overwhelming. While his fascination with creatures often leads to exciting explorations, it also comes with challenges. Leo engages differently; instead of conversing, he bombards me with a barrage of questions that can sometimes feel stressful. I find myself snapping at times, struggling to provide the engagement he seeks. If your child is like this, you know how difficult it can be.
Leo is not the easiest child to connect with. While I try to care about his interests, which often revolve around animals that make my skin crawl, it requires more effort. I encourage his love for wildlife and make an effort to participate in his interests, such as his worm farm under the kitchen table and his obsession with finding salamanders. These moments are precious, even if the effort feels significantly greater compared to my experiences with Max and Sunny.
So yes, I admit it: I have favorite children. It’s a truth that feels heavy to acknowledge. As I watch Leo munching on breakfast, I feel a surge of love for him, reminding myself that my love for him is just as strong as for his brothers. Yet, the connection with Max and Sunny feels more effortless.
Caring for Leo requires me to push myself, to engage with his interests, and to explore the world through his eyes. It’s a labor of love that does not come as naturally as it does with my other children. I hope he feels the love I have for him, even when it takes more effort to express.
In conclusion, while I strive to love all my children equally, the emotional labor involved in connecting with each of them varies significantly. The bond I share with Max and Sunny feels more instant, while my relationship with Leo requires a deeper commitment. Nonetheless, I cherish each of my children for the unique joy they bring into my life.
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