Let me begin with an apology—not for who I am or my actions, but for my prolonged silence. For retreating into myself and shutting down. It’s taken me a considerable amount of time to summon the courage to express these thoughts, primarily because I fear your reaction—whether you’ll respond or, even worse, remain silent. But here it is: I miss you.
Despite the fact that you chose to ghost me during difficult times, I genuinely miss you. However, there are some important things I need to convey, and I hope you’ll take the time to listen, no matter where you are.
I recognize that I haven’t always been the most straightforward friend. I have had my fair share of struggles, often making me a challenging person to be around. I’ve dealt with mood swings, feelings of inadequacy, and moments of despair that sometimes made me a drag to be with.
My mental health condition—bipolar II disorder—can be quite complex and unpredictable. While some days I feel cheerful, spontaneous, and full of life, other days I find myself in a dark place where even getting out of bed feels impossible. I’ve had to cancel plans more times than I’d like to admit.
I understand that watching me go from a vibrant person to someone who is withdrawn and lost must have been difficult for you. But instead of standing by me during those tough times, you vanished. You chose to walk away when I needed your support the most.
You didn’t explicitly say that my mental health challenges were too much for you, but your absence spoke volumes. It was as if you drifted out of my life quietly, like air escaping from a balloon. The signs were unmistakable: first, the excuses followed by canceled plans. Invitations became scarce, and soon enough, my messages went unanswered. That silence was painful.
I want you to know that I’m sharing this not to guilt you, but to convey the hurt I felt. Admitting to having a mental illness is one of the most daunting things one can do, often shrouded in shame and stigma. We shouldn’t have to face that isolation, yet here I am.
There’s a saying that friends come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I suppose our friendship was a seasonal one, and while that’s hard to accept, it doesn’t lessen the ache I feel every day. Even though we didn’t make it as friends, remember that many others are out there who may be struggling with their mental health—42.5% of Americans will face a mental illness at some point, and they will need your compassion.
Please, if you find yourself in a similar situation again, offer your support and kindness. You don’t need to shoulder the entire burden of someone’s mental health, but your understanding can be a beacon of hope during their darkest moments.
I believe in your capacity to be that friend. If not for me, then for the next person who is suffering. For more information on mental health, you might find this resource from ACOG helpful. And if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this blog post on the topic.
In summary, while friendships may shift and change, the importance of compassion and understanding remains constant. Even in the toughest of times, being there for one another is what truly matters.