Lifestyle Insights
I’m about to step onto the floor and groove in front of a crowd for a full hour. I need to memorize the steps to at least fourteen different songs, all while a sea of eyes watches my every move. Surprisingly, I’m not anxious at all; in fact, I’m exhilarated. I thrive in this environment.
As a Zumba instructor, I encounter new participants each week, people who form their opinions based on how I lead them through the choreography. While this might seem daunting to some, I approach it with enthusiasm, smiling and encouraging others, all while drawing energy from the group around me.
However, standing in line at the post office transforms me into a completely different individual. My palms become clammy as I hold a package that won’t fit in my mailbox. I almost reconsider sending it because I can’t do it from home, but it’s necessary, so here I am. My heart races: What if I didn’t wrap it properly? What if it’s not sealed securely? What if it violates some postal regulation?
My mind spirals through a never-ending list of potential mishaps, and by the time it’s my turn, I’m on the verge of a panic attack. My inner voice berates me: “They’re going to think you’re an idiot. How does someone your age not know how to send a package?” My breath quickens, and I mentally rehearse what I will say, trying to avoid sounding foolish. But my anxiety screams back, “You’ll sound foolish anyway!” drowning out any rational thought.
This contrast illustrates my daily struggle: the life of an extroverted individual grappling with social anxiety disorder. It’s a perplexing combination that seems contradictory. Here I am, caught between moments of outgoing joy and times when I feel like I’d rather disappear.
It’s baffling how unpredictable my triggers can be. Many situations that provoke my anxiety would likely seem trivial to others. For instance, I find it nearly impossible to pick up the phone to order pizza. In fact, I generally avoid phone calls, even with people I cherish talking to in person; the very act of speaking on the phone ignites my anxiety, despite the fact that the person on the other end cannot see me.
Even when it comes to my children’s dentist appointments or my pets’ trips to the vet, I can obsess over the details for days. Yet, I can confidently walk into a social event and engage with acquaintances, share laughter, and be the center of attention—all without needing any liquid courage.
But my reactions are not always consistent. Some days are better than others; on my worst days, I find myself hiding when the doorbell rings. I adore connecting with others, but it often feels like a dangerous endeavor, akin to petting a potentially vicious dog. Some days, I just lack the strength to take that risk.
I understand how illogical this all sounds. Like many who struggle with anxiety, I know that my concerns are irrational. For instance, postal workers likely won’t mock me for not knowing postage rates, and the pizza delivery person on the line is probably indifferent to my fear of ordering. Yet, I cannot shake this fear. If I were to walk into a pizzeria and order at the counter? No anxiety. Zero issues. It’s an enigma I cannot explain.
This unpredictability makes it challenging to confide in others about my social anxiety. I know it sounds confusing: how can I feel completely at ease in situations that would terrify some, yet panic in everyday circumstances? If I struggle to comprehend it, how can I expect others to understand? My anxiety whispers that they will label me as odd, which is why I often keep my feelings hidden, pushing through when I can (even while feeling miserable) and avoiding situations I know will trigger me.
So, if you have a friend who sends calls to voicemail, consider sending a text instead. If you notice they exhibit quirks about seemingly simple tasks, like going to the post office, don’t point it out as strange. It’s the fear of judgment that distinguishes those with social anxiety from mere introverts. Accept their unique traits, even if they seem odd, and suggest gatherings in environments where they feel comfortable.
Just remember to be the one to place the pizza order.
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Summary:
Navigating life as an extrovert with social anxiety presents a unique challenge, characterized by moments of confidence in social settings contrasted by intense anxiety in mundane situations. The unpredictability of triggers complicates understanding and acceptance, both for oneself and others. It’s crucial to foster supportive environments and understand the struggles faced by individuals grappling with this dichotomy.