I recently asked my partner, Sarah, if she regarded me as her best friend. Her response was a puzzled look followed by a definitive, “Of course.” It felt akin to questioning whether the sun rises in the east—so obvious that it almost seemed absurd to ask. “What prompted this?” she inquired.
I found myself at a loss for words, reflecting on our life together and realizing that I no longer have many close friends to spend time with. Between work, parenting, and our relationship, my available social time is limited. When I do get a moment to myself, I prefer to share it with Sarah because I truly enjoy her presence.
This scenario isn’t unique to us; many couples find themselves in similar situations as life gets busier. It’s not that spending time with friends is wrong, but for some of us, those friendships take a backseat.
These days, my free time is primarily dedicated to Sarah and our kids.
However, it wasn’t always like this for us. Like many couples, we experienced our share of arguments during the early years of our marriage. There was a particularly challenging phase after the birth of our first child when exhaustion nearly pushed us apart. I remember seeking solace with friends during that time, looking for any escape to clear my mind.
But as we navigated through those challenges—moving across states, earning degrees, welcoming more children, buying a home, and even adopting new lifestyles together—we began to cultivate a genuine friendship.
Before marrying, I had a best friend, but no relationship could compare to the bond I share with Sarah. Honestly, I didn’t grasp the essence of true friendship until we hit our ten-year milestone. Approaching 14 years now, I can’t imagine anyone else I’d prefer to converse with about anything. Sarah is my unwavering support, the one I trust most, who listens intently, loves deeply, and lights up when I enter a room. The depth of my commitment to her is unparalleled.
When I posed my question, I secretly wanted to know if she felt the same way. Admittedly, it stemmed from a place of insecurity, but I understood the likely answer. My parents had multiple marriages, and they didn’t seem to have experienced that foundational friendship with their partners. They never seemed to stick around long enough to weather the difficult times that can arise when two people truly commit.
I often reflect on my parents’ relationships, which is common for many children of divorces. It leaves a lingering sense of doubt. Let me clarify; I understand that some marriages must end. There are individuals who, despite their initial charm, become harmful once deeply involved.
Yet, if two people genuinely love each other, possess maturity, and are committed to putting in the effort (because marriage requires significant work), a beautiful friendship can blossom, and it is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve encountered.
Sarah responded to my question just as I anticipated, which was heartening to hear. When she asked why, I simply shrugged and said, “I don’t know. You’re my best friend, and I wanted to see if you felt the same way. It might sound silly.”
She leaned in and kissed me. “Not silly at all,” she replied.
We chatted about mundane things, and then she suggested, “How about we watch that baking show tonight?”
I replied, “No.” I have no desire to watch that show.
“But you will, because you’re my best friend, right?” she teased.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, yes. But we’re watching that sci-fi series tomorrow.”
“Deal,” she said with a smirk. “Only because we are best friends.”
I joked, “We should get friendship bracelets.”
She shot me a look that clearly conveyed, “Don’t push it.”
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Conclusion
In summary, the bond of friendship that develops in a committed relationship can be one of life’s greatest joys. While challenges may arise, navigating them together ultimately strengthens that friendship, making it a cornerstone of a fulfilling partnership.