The term “working mom guilt” induces an uncomfortable reaction in me—not because the scenarios it conjures are unfamiliar, but because the very phrasing implies wrongdoing. When picturing a working mother, one might envision a woman in heels, racing from a school drop-off to an urgent meeting, having forgotten her child’s lunch. Alternatively, you might see a mother at her desk, tears streaming down her face because the nanny just shared a video of her baby taking their first steps. Perhaps you recall a moment in your own career where you missed a significant milestone for your child, and it pierced your heart.
While these scenarios resonate with many women, the source of my discomfort lies in the word “guilt.” This term suggests that working mothers, myself included, are somehow at fault for balancing careers and motherhood. Guilt does not connote the challenges or emotional complexities we face; it implies shame, akin to wrongdoing.
It’s no surprise that many working mothers experience negativity surrounding their roles. The label we bear implies that we have made a poor choice, and for some of us, working isn’t even a choice—it’s a necessity. Yes, I feel a pang of sadness when I leave my two-year-old waving goodbye from the front steps. Yes, I wish I could be more involved in my first grader’s classroom. But do I feel guilty about valuing my career and securing financial stability for my family? Absolutely not.
What I experience is better described as “working mom anger.” I feel frustration that many women I’ve spoken to returned to work before they felt ready, often due to insufficient maternity leave. It angers me that we frequently apologize for leaving work early for family obligations, despite knowing it won’t affect productivity.
One mother articulated this well, stating, “I feel more guilty for leaving the office to take care of my kids than for leaving my kids. This reflects a societal issue.” It certainly does, and it’s time we advocate for change.
If we keep accepting the narrative that our struggles stem from personal failings, how will employers ever change their policies? The real issue is not our guilt; it’s the excessive barriers we face as working mothers in the workforce. Why do we tolerate the fact that many women in the U.S. receive no paid maternity leave? A federal employee I know pointed out that you must rely on your annual leave or sick days, and if you don’t have enough, your options may result in unpaid leave. This approach is absurd.
In Canada, for example, women can take up to a year of leave, often receiving a percentage of their salary. One Canadian mother explained, “While we earn less than when working, we save on childcare, and we can even share the leave with our partners.” When I asked if this reduced feelings of guilt, she noted, “I think we’re hard on ourselves no matter what, but I return to work more prepared than those who go back sooner.”
Imagine the transformative impact if the U.S. adopted similar policies. What if working mothers were assured from the start that their dual roles as caregivers and professionals could coexist harmoniously?
I urge all working mothers to stop internalizing these feelings society has led us to believe are our own fault. Instead, let’s articulate what we need and deserve to thrive in both parenting and professional spheres. We must initiate conversations about change rather than lingering in guilt.
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Summary
The concept of “working mom guilt” often unfairly implies that mothers are wrong for balancing work and family. Instead of feeling guilty, many working mothers experience anger over societal pressures and inadequate policies, such as limited maternity leave. It’s time to speak out about the changes needed to support mothers as both caregivers and professionals.