In many families, traditional gender roles are held in high regard, often influencing expectations and aspirations. My mother, for instance, firmly believes that marriage is a pinnacle achievement for women. While I respect her perspective, I recognize that her views are shaped by her own life experiences. She wants what she thinks is best for me, but only I can define what that truly means. It’s crucial to prioritize my own desires and aspirations, and I have no regrets about the choices I’ve made.
To illustrate, my mother beamed with pride when I graduated from college and celebrated my marriage. However, her vision for my life didn’t align with my own. After completing my degree, I ventured across the country at 21, a move that caused her much concern. I faced challenges in those early years, living with roommates as I sought independence. As an ambivert, I thrive in solitude but also enjoy social interactions, leading me to prioritize having my own space.
When I finally secured my own apartment at 22, my mother began inquiring about marriage. I felt too young and wasn’t focused on that aspect of life. At 27, I still wasn’t ready for marriage or children; I was busy figuring out my path. During my twenties, I dated various people, two of whom were serious relationships.
My first serious boyfriend proposed when we were both 22, but I declined, feeling we were too young and I was already losing interest. The second relationship lasted two years but was fraught with issues, including his reluctance to introduce me to his family, which raised red flags for me. After a pivotal argument on my 27th birthday, I realized the relationship was not progressing and ended it, much to my mother’s disappointment. She began to question my desire for children at a time when I was focused on achieving financial independence.
As I entered my thirties, the pressure from my mother intensified. She feared I might end up alone if I didn’t marry soon. I was content being single and started searching for a condo. When I was in escrow at 35, she suggested I wait to buy with a husband. But I wanted to celebrate my independence and my first step into homeownership.
In the years that followed, I dated again and met someone special at 37. I married him when I was 40, but I questioned whether our love was genuine. My mother was ecstatic, but her concerns shifted to my age and motherhood. Ultimately, I recognized that he held traditional views on parenting that were incompatible with my own aspirations. After nearly eight years of marriage, I chose to divorce, realizing I wanted a partnership based on shared responsibilities.
Fast forward to today, I’m in a committed relationship with a man I’ve known for years, and we’re planning to marry next year. We share laughter and a deep friendship. Together, we’ve discussed our perspectives on gender roles and agree they are fluid. He enjoys cooking and we both participate equally in household chores. This partnership feels right for me, and I appreciate that it aligns with my values and desires.
In conclusion, each relationship is unique, and it’s essential not to let others dictate how you should feel about gender roles. Whether you prefer a traditional or a more modern arrangement, what matters most is mutual agreement and understanding. For more insights on navigating relationships, consider reading our other blog posts, such as this one on intrauterine insemination, which discusses aspects of pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, Make a Mom offers an authoritative resource on self-insemination kits.