It’s happened countless times: I’ve had to suppress my indignation and shrink into an apologetic figure simply to appease others who, in retrospect, were clearly in the wrong.
Take my first serious boyfriend, for instance. He convinced me that his flirtations with other girls and ignoring my calls to go on drives with them were acceptable because he believed I was more self-assured. “I’m sorry, you’re right; I must have overreacted,” I would say, desperately trying to salvage our relationship whenever he threatened to break up with me.
Then there was the college friend who unfriended me on social media after I confronted her about canceling our plans. Seeing her post pictures with more attractive and exciting friends made me feel like I was simply too dull for her company. “It’s fine if you want to reschedule. Maybe I misunderstood your availability,” I texted, hoping not to be ignored.
I always found myself making excuses for people who turned their backs on me, believing it was a virtue to see the best in others. However, becoming a mother changed everything. I realized that those who mistreated me didn’t prioritize my feelings, and it was time to acknowledge this truth and make it clear that I would no longer tolerate being treated like an afterthought.
Life as a Mother Who Values Self-Worth
So, what’s life like now that I’m a mother who values her self-worth? Honestly, it can still be challenging. Finding genuine friends is tough, and learning when to stand up for myself is an uphill battle. I might not walk around exuding confidence like a celebrity, but I recognize how crucial it is for my son to have a parent who advocates for him.
Learning to speak up for myself was my first step, and I’ve made significant strides in that area. I encourage other “emotional” mothers to embrace their feelings. It’s entirely normal to have emotions, but acting as if you’re the only one who does—like those who criticize us for feeling hurt yet play the victim when faced with unpleasant remarks—is not acceptable.
For instance, a waitress once laughed when she accidentally spilled hot marinara sauce on my lap, narrowly missing my newborn. I didn’t hesitate to inform her manager, as my child’s safety was at risk. She should have been more careful and offered an apology for her carelessness.
When my obstetrician wrote false information in my medical records because I asked straightforward questions, I took action. I penned an 11-page letter to his department, detailing the need for better training and resources for female patients. I deserved respect during my appointments, and I had every right to make informed decisions about my body.
In college, I lacked the courage to tell my gynecologist that I felt uncomfortable with a male student present during my exam. Fast forward to today, and I’m asserting my needs, regardless of others’ opinions.
My mother once insulted my husband for being a stay-at-home dad, claiming she wouldn’t have married him due to his “uselessness.” Months later, she declared her intention to stay at our house without consulting me first. I made it clear that respect for our parenting choices was non-negotiable, reminding her of past accusations she made against my husband regarding our son’s medication. Her response? “You’re too sensitive; this is why we didn’t want to discuss it.” Excuse me?! You can’t just invite yourself into my home without a conversation and expect to disregard my boundaries.
My friends and relatives often act like I’m the villain for “misinterpreting” their comments. However, I’ve stopped filtering their words through a lens of self-doubt. I refuse to feel ashamed for having emotions, especially when it seems they want to express their opinions without any consideration for how it might affect me.
Transforming Passivity into Strength
It’s unfortunate that many mothers still find themselves apologizing for others or smoothing over uncomfortable situations to save friendships that aren’t worth it. I’ve exhausted my patience turning the other cheek to people’s insensitivity, and now I’m transforming my former passivity into a dignified strength that my child will be proud of in the future. If I can advocate for myself now, I will definitely be able to voice my concerns during school meetings, family gatherings, medical appointments, and more when it comes to my son’s well-being.
Yes, I might be more emotional than others, but that’s not a flaw. It’s unreasonable to expect me to suppress my feelings and allow others to disregard me simply because they believe they have more right to express themselves than I do.
Sorry, not sorry. I’m not “overly sensitive”; you’re just disrespectful.
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In summary, embracing one’s emotions is essential, especially for mothers. It’s time to stand up against disrespect and recognize that having feelings is not a weakness but a strength to be celebrated.