During my nearly eight-year marriage, there was a time when I failed to do anything genuinely special for my wife on Valentine’s Day. While I’m not proud of this fact, I share it to highlight that if you find yourself in the same situation, you’re not alone.
At the outset of my marriage to Sarah, I was a college student. After I graduated, she returned to school, and as we welcomed three children into our lives, we often faced financial struggles and the challenge of finding childcare, especially after moving to different states. I often convinced myself that we couldn’t afford a special outing or that it wasn’t worth the hassle, but in retrospect, I realize we could have made it work.
The truth is, we could have dressed up and gone out, but I was disinterested. I’ve only worn a tuxedo on three occasions: my wedding and those of my siblings, none of which I enjoyed. Finding someone to watch the kids felt like an imposition, especially on acquaintances.
However, the real reason we never celebrated Valentine’s Day in a meaningful way was my own laziness—a trait that, unfortunately, doesn’t contribute to a lasting marriage.
What Does “Doing Something Nice” Really Mean?
Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what “doing something nice on Valentine’s Day” truly entails. It’s more than a simple text message or heart-shaped pizza. It certainly isn’t a cheeky coupon for a back massage. Instead, it should be an act that stands out, something special and thoughtful.
Consider making a reservation at a restaurant that has a dress code or even one that produces its own wine. If that isn’t feasible financially, think outside the box. You could arrange for a babysitter and revisit the location of your first date or where you first held hands. Alternatively, surprise her with flowers reminiscent of her wedding bouquet or compile a photo album of cherished memories. Both options can be easily and affordably arranged online.
Why These Gestures Matter
You might wonder why these gestures matter. Is Valentine’s Day merely a commercialized holiday designed to sell cards? Perhaps, but taking the time to secure a sitter and plan a special outing is a profound expression of love.
I don’t undertake these gestures simply to tick off a checklist. My reasons are more personal. A few years back, I decided to treat Sarah to an exquisite dinner at a vineyard in Oregon. The restaurant was perched atop a hill, offering breathtaking views of sprawling vineyards. The ambiance was enchanting, with a cozy fireplace and the sunset casting a warm glow over Sarah’s beautiful smile.
Despite being married for over a decade, that night reignited feelings of affection that I hadn’t experienced in a while. The laughter, the fire crackling, and her radiant eyes against the backdrop of the vineyard created an unforgettable moment.
Reflecting on that experience, I understand that doing something special for my wife on Valentine’s Day was not a frivolous expenditure but rather an investment in our relationship. In the whirlwind of parenting young children, it is essential to find moments that allow you to see your partner in a new light.
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Summary
Valentine’s Day should be an opportunity for husbands to express their love through thoughtful gestures, rather than falling into the trap of laziness or commercialism. Simple acts, like revisiting meaningful locations or creating personalized gifts, can reignite the spark in a long-term relationship. Investing time and effort into these moments not only strengthens the bond but also allows couples to rediscover each other amidst the chaos of daily life.