During my final month of pregnancy with my first child, an experience unfolded that would haunt me for years. One calm December evening, my partner, Jake, went out to pick up some essentials from the grocery store. Out of nowhere, a drunk driver veered toward our compact sedan, narrowly avoiding a collision by swerving at the last moment and crashing into a hedge instead. But the nightmare escalated when the driver began reversing — heading straight for Jake, who managed to floor it in reverse just in time. Thankfully, the driver was apprehended shortly after. Jake returned shaken, and when I heard the story, I collapsed and sobbed.
This incident brought forth the core of my deepest anxiety — the profound fear many of us with anxiety disorders carry within. I find myself terrified of cars, and I am certain I’m not alone in this sentiment. Yes, we drive and allow our loved ones to drive, but there’s always a moment of gut-wrenching fear. Each strained “be careful” and “I love you” feels like a potential last goodbye. We watch our loved ones leave, desperate for one final glance.
When they don’t return on schedule, panic sets in. We start making calls, and if there’s no answer, dread seeps in, twisting through our minds and stomachs. We imagine dreadful scenarios: a lifeless body on the roadside, the flashing lights of police cars illuminating a tragic scene, and the haunting image of tiny shoes strewn across a grassy median. By the time our loved ones do arrive, frazzled from traffic or work delays, we may be left trembling with anxiety, overwhelmed by relief or even tears, or sometimes, inexplicable anger.
Cars can be terrifying. Statistically, our instincts are correct; we are more likely to face a fatal car accident than an airplane crash, terrorist attack, or assault. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 32,675 lives were lost in car accidents in the U.S. in 2014, with nearly a third involving alcohol. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noted that millions were injured, with 2.5 million seeking emergency medical care for crash-related injuries in 2012. For those of us grappling with anxiety, these numbers are a constant reminder, resurfacing every time we say goodbye to our loved ones or secure our children in car seats.
We are the ones who meticulously check mirrors and ensure no one is beside us before changing lanes. We hesitate to change a song until we reach a stoplight. Those high speeds are intimidating, particularly in states where a 70 mph limit is often disregarded. We avoid passing items back to our kids or rummaging through bags while on the highway. I’m a self-proclaimed car seat enthusiast (ask me about my four-year-old in a rear-facing seat!).
These precautions are our feeble attempts at exerting control over a chaotic world. We can ensure that seat straps are properly adjusted, refrain from texting while driving, and triple-check before entering traffic circles. These measures are talismans against the uncontrollable — which encompasses everything else.
Just last week, a friend’s car was struck by a drunk driver early in the morning. I narrowly avoided an accident when someone almost merged into my lane yesterday. Jake faced a similar scare on his way home. These incidents underscore our inability to prevent danger unless we entirely restrict our loved ones from using vehicles. In essence, it’s this lack of control that sends our anxiety spiraling. The thought that we or our loved ones could face fatality at any moment is paralyzing.
Managing Anxiety and Fear
So, how can we manage these feelings? First, we must acknowledge that our fear is not just about cars; it’s about losing control. It’s rooted in our inability to predict or prepare for every facet of life — a fear of unpredictable loss that is fundamentally unsettling. We need to address these fears rather than fixating solely on vehicles. Learning to let go of this need for control is essential, possibly with the support of a skilled therapist.
Dr. Amy Johnson suggests practicing surrender, recognizing the universe’s inherent goodness, and embracing the freedom that comes from relinquishing fear. Other strategies include visualizing positive outcomes, defining what being present means to you, grounding yourself in the moment — as fear often resides in the future — engaging in activities like a walk or connecting with friends, using affirmations, seeking support, and reminding ourselves that we are not alone in this struggle.
You are not alone. When it comes to channeling anxiety into fears surrounding vehicles, many of us share this experience. And it is here, in this collective understanding, that we can begin to heal.
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Summary
Anxiety surrounding vehicles often stems from a deeper fear of losing control and unpredictable loss. Acknowledging these underlying fears and practicing surrender can aid in managing anxiety. Engaging in grounding activities and seeking support can also help individuals cope with these intense feelings.