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Why I’m Thinking About Changing My Last Name – Even Though It Wasn’t Initially in My Plans
By Sarah Thompson
Updated: June 30, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 25, 2018
During the early years of parenthood, my partner and I were not yet wed, and marriage was never on our agenda. Changing my last name was the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, I had never imagined myself adopting a new name at any point in my life, irrespective of marriage or children. Fast forward to today: I am now married with kids, and my last name remains unchanged. Our children’s names are hyphenated, exactly as my younger self would have envisioned it, even just four years ago. My husband, a wonderful man, never pressured me to adopt his surname, as I was firm on keeping mine.
When it came to naming our sons, I felt a sense of pride in seeing my last name as the second part of their hyphenated names. It felt modern and reflective of our choices, and I appreciated that aspect of our family identity. However, as my oldest son’s time in preschool approaches its end (in mom years, of course, we still have about 18 months), I find myself grappling with the desire to hyphenate my own name to align with my boys’.
This impulse is perplexing. On one side, it seems logical; on the other, it conflicts with my long-held beliefs about maintaining my identity. Throughout my life, I have staunchly advocated against the outdated tradition that expects women to change their surnames. I’ve often found it hard to respect men who uphold such antiquated views. But now, as I contemplate this possible name change, I understand it is not just any name I would consider adopting; it’s a connection to my children, the ones I carried and nurtured.
Perhaps this urge to alter my name is subconsciously linked to the evolving dynamics of motherhood. As my eldest son embarks on this new chapter – a journey that signifies independence and growth – I struggle with the bittersweet reality of letting go. Is this not the essence of parenting? In just three and a half years, I have witnessed the rapid progression from bringing them home to contemplating school districts. Soon, we will be evaluating colleges too.
When my partner asked about the root of my feelings, I initially had no response. Yet, as I expressed my thoughts, tears filled my eyes. “They’re my kids, and when I send them out into the world, I want there to be something that connects us.” Lately, I’ve experienced dreams where my teeth fall out, leaving me feeling disoriented. Initially, I thought it might be a sign to see a dentist, but now I realize it reflects the constant transitions inherent in parenthood.
It’s astonishing how society has made it appear effortless for generations to send part of your heart into the world, unaware of the love and effort invested in raising them. The fact that many of us navigate this journey is truly remarkable.
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Summary
This narrative explores the author’s internal struggle regarding the consideration of changing her last name after becoming a mother and wife. Despite previously holding strong beliefs against changing names, the emotional connection to her children prompts this reevaluation. It highlights the complexities of parenting, identity, and the bond that ties families together.