Updated: Jan. 15, 2019
Originally Published: Feb. 26, 2018
In the early ’90s, the notion that I, a fiercely independent individual with a successful career, would ever pause my thriving professional journey to become a stay-at-home mom would have seemed absurd. It wasn’t part of the plan we were taught to embrace. However, life has a way of reshaping our choices.
After eight years of caring for my children, I found myself taking two unexpected turns as a stay-at-home parent. The first experience was relatively successful; the second, not so much.
During my first stint, I resided in a quaint village in Turkey with my eldest son. I was a full-time teacher until my due date, expecting to return to work the following year. But life intervened when my husband secured a transfer that took us from the vibrant city to a quieter locale. With a newborn and limited job opportunities, I was thrust into the role of a stay-at-home mom. That phase was challenging, but with the help of Martha Stewart reruns and my Turkish neighbors, I managed to adapt. By the end, I had honed my skills as a Turkish-style mother, yet once we returned to the U.S. two years later, I was eager to dive back into my career.
I did not choose to take on this second chapter of motherhood; it was more like being drafted. My husband, whom I affectionately call The Turk, lured me into a temporary hiatus to help our two-year-old through a serious surgery. Unfortunately, this arrangement evolved into an indefinite commitment. As I navigate this new phase of stay-at-home parenting in America, I’ve realized that the experience here starkly contrasts with what I encountered in Turkey, and I’ve come to terms with my shortcomings in the American stay-at-home mom arena.
1. My Wardrobe Lacks Athletic Wear
In Turkey, leaving the house was uncommon, as there were limited places to go. When you did venture out, the typical attire for Turkish moms included a floral scarf and a sweater vest, which I never embraced. Here in the U.S., school drop-offs require a fresh look each day, often in matching workout gear. Recently, I overheard a mom mention her ‘yoga-dress’—a term that baffles me. While many of these mothers sport their trendy outfits effortlessly, I stick to my trusty jeans, much to The Turk’s amusement.
2. Playgroups Are Not My Thing
In Turkey, social interactions were spontaneous; you might bump into someone at the beach, and then that was it. In contrast, American culture emphasizes playgroups for socializing kids, which often leads to forced friendships and routine meetings. That’s just not my style. I prefer my socializing to be casual and infrequent, thank you very much.
3. I’m Not Into Mom Conversations
In Turkey, gathering with other women meant gossiping about various topics, not the monotony of motherhood discussions. However, in the U.S., it seems like everywhere I go, moms are eager to chat about child-rearing. Sometimes, I resort to speaking Turkish around my kids at the playground to deter other moms from engaging me in conversation. While I can certainly discuss parenting topics, what I crave is lively banter about books or politics, not just diapers and baby food.
4. Playtime Isn’t My Favorite
American mothers often engage in extensive playtime with their children. In Turkey, that responsibility typically falls to the grandmothers. I appreciate that approach; there’s only so much time I can dedicate to imaginary adventures. I can initiate a strategic Lego battle that would impress even the best military minds, but I draw the line at lengthy play sessions.
5. Work Brings Me Joy
I thrive in social settings, enjoying adult conversations that don’t revolve around nap schedules. I like to dress up for work and engage with colleagues in a way that’s both fulfilling and often humorous. I never imagined I’d find motherhood more manageable in my husband’s culture than in my own. Nonetheless, I’m committed to making this work, even if it means I need to invest in more yoga pants.
In summary, my journey as a stay-at-home mom has highlighted my struggles to adapt to a different cultural landscape of parenting. While I may not excel at the traditional American stay-at-home mom role, I am determined to navigate these challenges with resilience.
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