As I observe the reactions of strangers when they encounter my four daughters, I anticipate the familiar responses that come with having all girls. Over the past decade, I have grown accustomed to the widening eyes and comments that inevitably follow. “Four girls? Wow, you must be so busy! Poor Dad, he’s outnumbered! Are you planning to try for a boy?” The grocery clerk’s sympathetic gaze is all too familiar as she awaits my response.
“I feel incredibly fortunate to have all girls,” I reply sincerely, though I can’t help but clench my jaw, hoping my expression signals the end of this conversation. Unfortunately, it rarely does.
“Just wait until the teenage years!” she chuckles. “Poor daddy!” Without further ado, I take my receipt and lead my daughters towards the door.
“Mommy?” my seven-year-old inquires, her brow furrowed with concern. “Why do people always say ‘poor daddy’ and ask if we’re going to have a boy? Are girls not as good as boys? Is daddy sad he doesn’t have a son?”
The anger wells up inside me. This isn’t the first time I’ve faced such questions; her sister posed a similar query just a year ago. I can only wonder how long it will be until my youngest grapples with the same thoughts. I force a smile. “Absolutely not! Your daddy loves having all girls, and so do I.”
“Then why do so many people seem to think it’s a bad thing?” she asks, still frowning. Given that this was the third such interaction of the day, I understand her confusion—our record stands at eight comments during a single outing.
This is the core of my struggle: the incessant remarks that accompany our family dynamic. Despite the countless comments we’ve received, positive feedback about having all daughters has been scarce. Interestingly, my sister, Tessa, with her four sons, faces the same barrage of comments. “We constantly hear sympathetic words, jokes, and questions about whether we’re going to keep trying for a girl. Of course, I would have loved a daughter. Am I saddened by my reality? Yes. But I cherish my boys and wouldn’t trade them for anything.”
I recognize that most people mean well; they’re often just trying to strike up a conversation. However, the impact of their words can be significant. Young children absorb the tone of sympathy and horror that often accompanies these exchanges, and it can be disheartening.
My friend, Lisa, has three sons and shares a similar story. “We really hoped for a little girl. Financially, we can’t try for another child, and it hurts to think I’ll never have a daughter. When strangers ask if we’ll attempt to have a girl, it only deepens that wound.”
Before having children, I envisioned certain experiences I would share with both a son and a daughter—milestones I believed I would get to explore. My husband held similar expectations, looking forward to teaching a son how to treat a lady or other father-son rites. However, he has embraced life with our daughters wholeheartedly.
This reality serves as a poignant reminder that we are aging, and it marks the conclusion of a chapter filled with anticipated experiences. While I dreamed of a future with infinite possibilities, having all daughters means I’ve closed the door on the chance to raise a son. Coming to terms with this has taken time, but it doesn’t diminish my gratitude for my girls. I prayed for daughters with each pregnancy, yet it took time to accept that I wouldn’t be raising a little boy.
Regardless of how one feels about having children of the same gender, each child is a cherished blessing. Families in similar situations often agree that they would prefer to avoid unsolicited comments from strangers, as these remarks can inadvertently hurt. Children are listening, and those words matter.
When we step out as a vibrant group of girls, often adorned in pink, tutus, and sparkly crowns, I wish that unless you are going to share words of encouragement about our family dynamic, you would keep your thoughts to yourself.
Conclusion
The journey of parenting daughters has its unique challenges and joys. It’s essential to recognize the impact of our words and foster an environment of appreciation for all family structures.
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Summary
This article reflects on the challenges and joys of raising four daughters while addressing societal comments and biases regarding gender. The author shares personal experiences and insights on the importance of sensitivity in conversations about family dynamics.