The most common reaction I received upon announcing my separation was, “But you and Alex are such a wonderful couple!” Hearing this made me uneasy. Who could truly understand our relationship unless they lived it? Additionally, why is it assumed that divorced individuals can’t also be good people? Why can’t we thrive apart as we did together?
I consider myself fortunate because I can honestly say that Alex is a good man. I understand the appeal we had as a couple; we made others feel at ease. People enjoyed being around us, knowing they would have a good time thanks to our authenticity and camaraderie. We were engaging and relatable, and together we captivated those around us.
However, once the social gatherings ended and it was just the two of us at home, we often retreated into our own worlds. Our aspirations were vastly different; Alex was focused on financial success, while I yearned for emotional and spiritual fulfillment. I sought to explore the mystical aspects of life, while he was not interested in that journey.
On Sundays, Alex devoted his time to football, which usually meant I was left to entertain the kids. When I didn’t have the children, I would sneak away to write—my genuine passion. I made attempts to share in his love for sports, wearing jerseys and cheering at games, which I thought was my duty as a supportive partner. In truth, it was his passion, not mine.
Writing, on the other hand, was where my heart lay. Initially, I felt unsupported in pursuing it because it didn’t yield immediate financial returns. Ironically, when it eventually did, I was met with a sense of discomfort from Alex, as if my success highlighted our differences.
Our disconnection grew over time. The saying “opposites attract” may have held some truth at the beginning, but as we drifted apart, we struggled to find common interests. We became like ships passing in the night, often feeling like strangers.
The only threads that kept us connected were our children and our friends. While we found some happiness in those spheres, we neglected the most crucial aspect of our relationship—our marriage. Eventually, it became clear that we had run our course.
Despite this, we remained “good people.” We excelled as parents and even maintained a friendship post-separation. It’s essential to recognize that being good individuals does not equate to being good together. From an outsider’s perspective, we seemed like a well-functioning team, navigating life seamlessly. However, we are not machines; we are human, and our needs evolved.
I am confident in my goodness, but when I chose to leave my marriage, I faced judgment from those who had once praised my efforts in juggling graduate school, part-time work, and motherhood. The same friends who celebrated my milestones were quick to distance themselves once the news of my separation broke.
The termination of a relationship involving two good people can be particularly perplexing. There’s no villain to blame, and that can make the process even more painful. It’s frustrating to part ways with someone you still hold in high regard. Some days, the thought of reverting to a less fulfilling life felt less daunting. Yet, deep down, we both recognized that wouldn’t bring true happiness.
And that’s perfectly acceptable.
We continue to co-parent our lovely children and remain committed to nurturing our family with affection. We were good together once, and we are still good apart.
To anyone embarking on a similar journey, I would say: “Regardless of what others may think, never let them convince you that you are anything less than good, even while walking away.” Your story and your marriage are uniquely yours.
For more on this topic, you might find this post helpful. In the realm of family planning, exploring resources like this one can provide valuable insights. Additionally, the CDC offers great information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the complexities of a separation can be particularly challenging when both individuals are genuinely good people. This article explores the experience of leaving a marriage while maintaining self-worth and recognizing the importance of personal happiness. It emphasizes that just because two people are good doesn’t mean they are right for each other. Finding fulfillment, whether together or apart, is crucial for a healthy life.