Parenting Insights
Recently, I found myself telling my daughter to react “as a human.” In that moment, I pondered whether my expectations had dipped so low that I needed to remind her to simply be herself. Yet, in today’s era dominated by social media and the complexities of teenage emotions, I believe it is essential to not only voice this reminder but also to actively teach it.
I have always been wary of smartphones. I’ve noticed how my own mood shifts while scrolling through social media, and as a therapist working with adolescents, I’ve observed the profound effects of these platforms on their well-being. It became evident to me when clients spontaneously shared how their mornings improved after deleting Snapchat, noting a decrease in anxiety that stemmed from viewing others’ curated lives. The term “friend group” resonates deeply with teenagers, often leading to feelings of inadequacy when they perceive that everyone else has supportive circles depicted in images online. This awareness has significantly influenced my parenting approach.
A recent incident involving two high school girls in a physical altercation highlighted the gravity of these issues. Though my daughter did not witness the fight firsthand, numerous bystanders did what many teens instinctively do: they recorded it. My daughter sent me the initial clip shared on social media, accompanied by laughter that echoed the discomfort many experience in overwhelming situations. I couldn’t help but feel a mix of fear and empathy as I considered the long-term impact of such moments on these young individuals. Will they remember this as a traumatic experience? How will they process these emotions moving forward?
From my professional experience, I understand that trauma can alter perceptions of safety and trust. I worry about how these teens will re-enter their classrooms, and whether they will feel secure and confident. It takes time for the brain to transition from survival instincts to the higher cognitive functions required in a learning environment.
I was relieved when my daughter mentioned she would reach out to one of the girls involved to check on her well-being. I hoped her gesture was genuine, recognizing the courage it took. I reflected on the internal narrative that girl might be grappling with, and I wished for her to have someone wise by her side to help her navigate the aftermath of that incident.
The following day, I casually asked my daughter if the students were still discussing the fight. She then showed me a series of videos where peers had added humorous captions and graphics. While I understood the impulse to make light of a troubling situation, I found it difficult to appreciate the humor. Instead, I encouraged her to embrace her emotions—fear, sadness, and confusion—rather than resorting to clever detachment.
The pervasive influence of smartphones often diminishes vulnerability. When faced with discomfort, many teens opt for distraction over connection, utilizing apps to numb feelings rather than confronting them head-on. A recent segment on The Today Show highlighted the effects of screen time on adolescents’ brain development, aligning with what I observe in my practice.
I witness firsthand how scrolling through social media can provide temporary relief but also promote avoidance of deeper emotional experiences. Authentic vulnerability can foster resilience; when we allow ourselves to fully experience discomfort, we emerge stronger. Thus, I remain committed to encouraging my children to embrace their feelings, even when they are painful or awkward. This process of sitting with discomfort will ultimately prepare them for future challenges.
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In summary, it’s crucial to guide our teens in embracing their humanity and vulnerability. By doing so, we equip them with the tools to navigate their emotions and build resilience, ultimately preparing them for the complexities of life.