I come from a reasonably large extended family. Both of my parents have siblings, and most of those siblings have children. Additionally, I have four half-siblings from my father’s previous relationships. Despite this, I find myself lacking a significant bond with family members beyond my immediate parents.
During my childhood, because my cousins were close in age to me, our parents often insisted we spend time together. While we occasionally had fun, it always felt forced. The idea of becoming friends simply because we shared blood never felt authentic to me, and as we matured, I gradually distanced myself from those connections.
Many people lament about not being closer to their families; however, this doesn’t bother me at all. I have a strong aversion to relationships that lack sincerity, and being close to someone just because of familial ties epitomizes that disingenuousness.
While I have friends who enjoy strong relationships with their extended families, I often see that it comes with its own set of stress. In tightly-knit families, drama naturally arises—whether it’s disagreements over spouses or feelings of favoritism among grandchildren. It’s much easier to navigate conflicts within a small group than it is with a larger family.
Society often promotes the idea that family bonds are the strongest. There are numerous television shows, such as Parenthood, that celebrate families sharing frequent meals and quality time together. However, I can’t help but question the feasibility of such dynamics. How do they even coordinate these gatherings? And for many, the conflicts can be resolved conveniently within a few episodes. While this may be true for some, I believe it doesn’t reflect the reality for most families.
Ultimately, family is what you choose to make of it—whether those individuals are related by blood or not. With the rise of social media, it has become simpler to keep in touch with family without forming deep connections. This superficiality suits me just fine; it allows me to fulfill a sense of obligation without engaging in meaningful interactions. Yet, even this can sometimes feel insincere.
I usually don’t mind accepting friend requests from family members, but there have been moments when the timing feels off. For instance, several relatives I hadn’t heard from since childhood reached out after my son was born. I accepted a few requests in the euphoria of new parenthood but soon felt uncomfortable and unfriended them. If they weren’t interested in my life beforehand, why did they suddenly want to connect once I had a child? It felt awkward and forced.
Some people suggest that I should maintain these connections for my son’s benefit. However, I’m not comfortable with that notion. Some might think I’m depriving my child of knowing his family, but if they showed no interest in my life when it was just me, why should I grant them access to my son now?
I’ve heard family members express that the older generations would be disappointed in how we let familial ties slip away. Yet, when I receive a last-minute invitation to a Sweet 16 party, I can’t help but call it out as disingenuous. It’s unfair to use deceased relatives as emotional leverage while still holding gatherings that I only learn about through social media.
As I’ve matured, I’ve resolved not to chase anyone to be a part of my life, family or not. You can label me ungrateful if you wish, but if you want to be part of my world, you’ll have to meet me halfway. I understand that life can get busy and sometimes I may not reach out, but genuine family members won’t hold that against me.
Do I sometimes wish I had closer relationships with more relatives? Absolutely. But in the end, I know who genuinely supports me and my son. I’ve cultivated an amazing chosen family among friends who are committed to being there for us, and that’s what truly matters.
In summary, the bonds of family can be complex and often demanding. While societal norms may dictate that family ties should be the most significant, it’s essential to realize that true connections are built on mutual effort and authenticity. The relationships we foster, whether through blood or chosen family, ultimately shape our experience of love and support.