What I Want the Single Mother of a Newborn to Understand

self insemination kit

You, the exhausted mother with dark circles under your eyes, tangled hair, and unpolished toenails. Yes, you—who has gone more days than you care to admit without a proper shower and who hasn’t had a meal until 4 PM, all while pondering, “How am I going to manage this?” I assure you, you will get through this, and it will improve. Just take it step by step.

You are incredibly strong. As a single mother to a newborn, you have endured sleepless nights—days upon days without rest. You’ve witnessed sunrises and sunsets while questioning how long a person can survive on so little sleep.

It’s understandable to want to scream, even at your baby. You may feel that urge, but you hold it back. Sometimes, those few fleeting moments in the shower turn into tears rather than relaxation. Why does crying feel so cathartic in there? You step out, barely dry, and dive right back into motherhood, never truly escaping.

You are a force to be reckoned with. You might feel unattractive, with days—perhaps weeks—going by without a comb through your hair. Your nails may be chipped, remnants of a polish applied in a fleeting moment of self-care that didn’t quite pan out. Your clothes may bear stains, only noticed when you rush out for errands. Your nursing bras may not provide the comfort you need, leaving you feeling unrecognizable in nothing but t-shirts and worn yoga pants.

But you are stunning. You are a single mother of a newborn. Your older child, used to your undivided attention, now competes for your love. You often lose your patience and question whether giving her a sibling was the right choice. You wonder if she will resent you one day. Even as she is right beside you, you can feel profoundly alone, contemplating if you’re doing a good job… I often question my own abilities as a mother.

You are an extraordinary mother. Accepting help can feel impossible. You think, “I don’t need assistance; I can handle this alone.” When offers of help come, you insist, “I’m fine, truly,” even when you’re not. You feel embarrassed and guilty, convinced that because you chose this path as a single mother, you should bear all the burdens alone. However, that guilt is unwarranted.

You know that the advice to “nap when your baby naps” and “the dishes can wait” doesn’t apply to you, as accomplishing one task often means neglecting another. You are surrounded by love. You are the mother who sacrifices sleep just to watch your little one sleep for hours, singing lullabies to soothe her fussiness and lovingly nursing her to slumber. You carry your baby despite the back pain and sore shoulders, and your phone is filled to capacity with adorable baby photos taken just a week into her life.

Your children are well-fed, clean, and dressed, even if you are still in your pajamas. You understand that you can’t carve out time for yourself right now, so you share the little moments of peace you can find with your other child. You hesitate to place your baby in her crib, savoring every second spent holding her.

You are incredibly selfless. You will endure this. One day, you’ll look back and think, “I made it through the newborn stage as a single mother. It was challenging, but I did it.” You will realize that not only did you survive, but you thrived in many ways. Time will fly, and you may even yearn for those early days. You’ll feel a pang of nostalgia when it’s time to pack away the newborn clothes for the larger sizes.

I made it through. A year later, I still can’t believe I did it: being a single mother of a newborn and a demanding six-year-old. Both of my children are strong, happy, and flourishing. I may not be entirely okay, but I’m here for them, and that matters.

I still haven’t had time for myself, my nails are unkempt, and I still shed tears weekly. It’s a struggle. But guess what? I wore a dress last weekend and am about to enjoy a delicious meal outside my home tomorrow. Yes, mama is going out! I might even manage to wash my hair this week. Perhaps someday, I’ll indulge in that manicure and pedicure I’ve been dreaming of.

Just take it one step at a time. You survived. You are a single mother of a toddler now.