The tragic reality of children being harmed in schools is utterly intolerable. This grave issue has sparked heated debates among parents and advocates. Some support the #WalkOut movement, emphasizing the need for safety in schools—a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with. Others advocate for the #WalkUp approach, focusing on inclusion. I understand this perspective but wish to share my own experience regarding the philosophy of inclusion and compassion.
As a parent, I have always engaged in open conversations with my children, discussing their friendships and choices extensively. After relocating, my kids faced the challenge of adjusting to a new school environment. My daughter frequently encountered a peer who would greet her with a friendly “Hello.” I advised her to “be kind to everyone,” as I noticed this child didn’t seem to have many friends.
When my daughter expressed that this child often disrupted class, I reiterated the importance of inclusion. I reminded her to “listen to what people have to say” and to show compassion, emphasizing that everyone has their own struggles. However, one day, I received an alarming call from the school counselor. “This is the school counselor, and I’m calling about your daughter. Everything is okay…,” she began, sending my heart into a race.
The counselor explained that some of my daughter’s classmates had raised concerns about a child who had been overly attentive to her. In that moment of realization, I understood that this was the very child I had encouraged my daughter to befriend. It dawned on me that my earlier advice may have inadvertently placed her in a precarious situation.
The behavior of this child had escalated, leading to verbal harassment that made my daughter uncomfortable. I immediately inquired about the school’s measures in protecting her. I learned they would separate my daughter from this child in class and keep a watchful eye during transitions. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on me.
In a moment of vulnerability, I confessed to my daughter in front of the counselor, “I have given you terrible parenting advice.” She reassured me that she was okay, but I couldn’t shake my unease. I felt as if I had unintentionally exposed my child to danger in my efforts to promote kindness and compassion.
The following year, my daughter found herself in a group with this same child during a trip to Washington, D.C. This time, the tables had turned. I advised her to maintain her distance, to be courteous, and to stay close to the supervising adult. Navigating this situation proved challenging; I want my daughter to be confident and unafraid, yet I also want her to be aware of her surroundings and the realities of being a young woman in today’s world.
We now have more discussions about personal safety, including the importance of avoiding isolated areas and remaining vigilant in public settings. Preparing her for potential risks has become a regular part of our conversations.
While I do not take a side in the broader discussion of school violence, it is essential to acknowledge that sometimes, the ideals of inclusivity and compassion can lead our children into difficult and unsafe situations. There are times when it is acceptable not to extend kindness to everyone, especially when one’s safety is at stake.
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In summary, while promoting kindness and inclusion is important, we must also prioritize our children’s safety and well-being. The delicate balance between teaching compassion and ensuring protection is a challenge that every parent must navigate.