When you step into motherhood, a myriad of unexpected experiences awaits. It’s not just the typical milestones like the first diaper change or those initial wobbly steps. I’m referring to those surprising moments that catch you off guard, the instances when you find yourself doing things you once vowed you wouldn’t do. For instance, the first time you resort to using a baby wipe for makeup removal because you’re too exhausted for your usual skincare routine, or the day breakfast means grabbing a box of cereal and letting your kids munch on it during the car ride to school. And who can forget the time you shouted from the bathroom, “No, you can’t ride the cat! What on earth made you think that’s okay?”
For parents of children with special needs, there are additional, often more profound, “firsts.” Some are humorous in retrospect, like when your name appears on a watch list after confronting a rude insurance agent, while others hit harder, like the moment you find yourself crying in the pantry over a sudden wave of heartache.
Today marked another significant first for me. My daughter, who is 15 and has severe autism, attends a small rural high school that, to my surprise, has proven to be fairly accommodating. She has wonderful teachers, a dedicated paraprofessional who supports her throughout the day, and she participates in various school activities to the best of her ability. Overall, she seems content.
However, today I found myself writing a letter to the school administration, granting them permission to physically restrain her if needed. In a country where sensible gun laws are a distant dream, and in light of the growing concerns surrounding school shootings, I began to ponder what would happen to her if a crisis unfolded at her school.
Every student deserves a safe environment free from fear. I began to think: how could they keep her calm and quiet during a terrifying situation, especially since her needs might make that a challenge? I spoke with her teacher, the assistant principal, and even the principal himself. They all assured me, “We will do everything we can…”
But herein lies the dilemma. Restraining my daughter—keeping her calm and quiet—is no small feat, and I know this all too well after fifteen years of being her mother. Thus, I made the difficult decision to write a letter giving explicit permission for the school to restrain her if absolutely necessary. I put into writing that they could potentially inflict harm in the effort to protect her from something far worse. I stated, “You have my permission to restrain her, even if it results in bruises or injuries. I understand the risks involved and agree not to hold the school accountable.”
This was the first time I had ever given someone else the authority to harm my child, all in the hope that it would prevent her from experiencing an even greater danger, one posed by a world rife with corruption, selfishness, and greed. Hurt my child, so that someone else doesn’t do it. This certainly marks an unprecedented moment in my life.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting a child with special needs often leads to challenging decisions. As I granted permission for my daughter’s school to restrain her if necessary, I reflected on the lengths a parent must go to ensure their child’s safety in an unpredictable world.