Our primary desire is to welcome a son into our family. Specifically, we are seeking to adopt a teenage boy aged 15 or 16. I have always envisioned adopting an older child from foster care, and my husband, a dedicated educator, shares this passion for that age group. We are acutely aware that many teens risk aging out of the system without finding a permanent family. According to data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, as of September 2015, there were 111,820 children in the United States waiting for adoption, with 19% falling between the ages of 13 and 18.
We are open to adopting a boy of any race and are committed to educating ourselves about the challenges of parenting children from diverse backgrounds. It would seem logical for the state to facilitate our adoption process, especially given the high number of children needing homes in our state. Unfortunately, this has not been the case.
The expenses associated with completing our homestudy—essentially the state’s assessment of our home as suitable for an adoptive child—have far exceeded our expectations. I have managed to support our family as a stay-at-home mom while also working a reasonably paid side job. While it is essential for the state to ensure that children are placed in safe and loving homes—given the horrific abuse some children endure in foster care—I struggle to see how many of the requirements imposed on us truly support the creation of families.
Regulatory Challenges
Take, for instance, the state’s regulations regarding windows. Every bedroom in our one-story home must have windows that open to a minimum of five square feet. Our current windows fall just short of that requirement, presenting us with two options: incur the immense cost of replacing them or invest in interconnected wireless smoke alarms, which come at a lesser cost.
After discussing this with the state fire marshal, we learned that we need eight smoke alarms, costing about $30 each. After taxes, we spent nearly $250 for these devices, which emit blaring sirens every time I cook, even a simple meal like hot dogs.
Additionally, these windows must be unobstructed down to the floor, meaning we had to clear away any furniture or belongings in front of them. This redesign of our master bedroom cost us several hundred dollars, as apparently, the state believes that I cannot navigate around an Ikea shelf in case of an emergency.
Pet Requirements
We also faced requirements for our pets. While we generally keep our dogs updated on vaccinations, the health department now demands complete vaccination records for every pet in the home. This includes all recommended vaccines, resulting in costly visits to the veterinarian—$125 to $150 per dog, totaling around $450. You would think that a rabies tag would suffice.
Further complicating matters, I had to arrange physicals for my family. Social services misplaced my physical form, so I had to undergo another exam, which added to the total cost. In addition to three physicals for my children, I had to pay for three adult exams and lab tests, including a current TB test. On top of that, I needed to schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist for a letter confirming my compliance with my medication regimen. While I understand the need for evaluations, it seems excessive merely to provide proof that I am taking my prescribed medications.
Medication and Safety Regulations
Moreover, all medications must be securely locked away—not just childproofed. We have to lock up every prescription and over-the-counter medication, which adds up to a significant number of items considering my daily routine. Finding storage solutions turned out to be another expense, and while I opted for two large toolboxes from Lowes, genuine medication lockboxes run around $160 each, and we would need two.
Social services also requires that all cleaning supplies and hazardous chemicals be secured, despite the fact that the child we are adopting is old enough to understand the dangers. Additionally, every electrical outlet must be covered, even those behind furniture, adding to our expenses for babyproofing supplies, which have seen a price surge since our last purchase in 1999.
Emotional and Financial Toll
The financial implications of preparing for this adoption are overwhelming. None of this even accounts for the basic necessities for another child—a mattress, bedding, a desk, a lamp, and any alterations needed for our other children’s rooms. There’s also the need to take time off work to meet with social workers, along with the gas expenses for multiple trips to ensure all documents reach the right hands.
This entire process has been emotionally draining. I have cried over lost paperwork and expressed frustration over unexpected costs. It often feels like an insurmountable challenge, and I worry about whether we will ever be able to move forward and have a meaningful conversation about bringing a child into our home.
Nonetheless, I hold onto hope. Somewhere out there, my son is waiting. I fear that, like 14% of kids in foster care, he may be stuck in a group home, wondering if anyone wants him. I want to bring him home, whoever he may be. All these regulations and financial burdens only serve to prolong the time he feels unwanted and without a home.
If we were in a less fortunate financial situation, we might have abandoned this dream when faced with the need for those smoke alarms. Many loving families are forced to give up due to the stringent requirements and complex bureaucracy. Children in need of homes must be a priority, and we need to simplify the process to get them there.
Resources for Further Guidance
For further guidance on adoption from foster care, visit Adopt US Kids for additional information.
For those exploring the journey of parenthood, Make A Mom offers comprehensive resources on artificial insemination kits. Additionally, The World Health Organization provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, the financial and emotional toll of adopting from foster care is profound. Many families, like ours, are grappling with unexpected costs and regulations that add to the stress of bringing a child into their lives. It is imperative that we work towards a more accessible adoption process to ensure that every child has a loving home.