When my family recently moved to a new state, we were faced with the usual challenges. We had to find a house that had enough bedrooms to prevent sibling rivalries, and I had a strong desire to settle on a cul-de-sac so my kids could enjoy some freedom in the neighborhood. My partner was keen on a spacious, flat yard for baseball and a garden. We also had a school district in mind and were aiming for a short commute to my partner’s workplace.
And, of course, while house hunting, one of our priorities was to locate the nearest Costco.
As a family of five, we rely heavily on Costco for nearly all our essentials: meats, fruits, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, snacks for school and home, allergy medications, bottled water, diapers, eggs—you name it. Wine? We purchase that in bulk. TVs? Costco. Lawn chairs? Costco. Easter baskets? Yup, Costco.
As a frequent visitor to this wholesale giant, I can confidently share my insights about the experience of handing over substantial amounts of cash while pushing a cart filled with everything from socks to BBQ ribs—often more frequently than I’d like to admit.
Here are 12 truths that resonate with fellow Costco aficionados:
- You’ll start with a list and a budget, only to find yourself laughing at your naive optimism. Don’t be surprised if you end up spending an extra $256 to $289—based on extensive research conducted at the University of My Wallet.
- Entering the store with the aim of purchasing chicken and hamburgers, you’ll inevitably leave with a kitchen faucet, patio furniture, and five books you probably won’t read. Ironically, you don’t even have a patio.
- If you’ve promised your cranky kids delicious samples to keep them well-behaved, prepare to be disappointed. The only options will likely be salmon, beet soup, or wafer crackers, while the pizza and croissant-wrapped hotdog samples will vanish just as you arrive with your hungry toddler.
- Even if the only samples available are those wafer crackers, you’ll still awkwardly try them, lingering as if considering a purchase. The enthusiastic sample lady, who reminds you of your grandmother, will shout, “$12.99! Get your box here! Healthy snack!” You won’t have the heart to explain that your family wouldn’t eat those even with candy-flavored whipped cream.
- Although wafer crackers might not make it into your cart, you’ll probably end up with at least one sample, resulting in a box of 94 egg rolls. Get ready for a month of “fake Chinese food” dinners.
- Finding help within Costco can be an exercise in futility. The only employees are often elderly individuals familiar with where to find dark chocolate or hummus, leaving a vast no-man’s land in between.
- If you fall in love with a specific product, it will mysteriously vanish from the shelves, leaving you to mourn its absence. I’m still grieving the loss of the margarita chips I discovered in 2015.
- Handing your child the receipt for them to present at the exit will backfire. In the brief moment between leaving the register and exiting the building, they will lose it, and you’ll find yourself stuck in “Costco jail” for eternity.
- The Costco food court is an unbeatable deal. Dining out as a family of five can be pricey, so we often take advantage of the Costco picnic tables on weekends. The pizza slices are massive and only around two dollars. However, your kids will insist they can finish an entire slice, only to leave you with the scraps from their plates—familiar territory, right?
- As you grab a box of frozen tilapia, motivated by your health goals, your child will announce they need to use the restroom. During the lengthy trek to the bathroom, they’ll lose their Transformer toy, never to be seen again, resulting in a classic meltdown.
- If you have toddlers, your shopping trip will start with them contained in the cart. By the third aisle, they will be squished between a heavy bottle of laundry detergent and a bag of frozen chicken, begging to be let out. You’ll end up chasing them from one sample station to another while also searching for the missing transformer.
- At checkout, the cashier will persuade you to upgrade to the more expensive “Elite Membership,” which promises better deals on cars and vacations you’ll never actually buy.
Despite emptying your wallet and gaining a few pounds from indulging in “sample Ghirardelli brownie” goodness, you’ll find yourself returning. After all, on Saturday mornings, when you need chicken nuggets, a spring plant for Grandma, and a bulk box of baby wipes, there’s truly no better place to be.
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Summary: This article humorously captures the realities and quirks of shopping at Costco, particularly for families. It highlights the common experiences of overspending, unplanned purchases, and the chaotic nature of shopping with children, while also providing useful links for readers interested in home insemination and related topics.