Before I even conceived, I imagined my future child as the kind of baby everyone would adore and happily pass around. I envisioned a joyful little one who would never shy away from new faces. How naive I was, both as a first-time parent and a protector of my child.
When my baby, whom I’ll call Lila, was just 10 weeks old, we attended a sizable family gathering. That day, she was particularly fussy, so I opted to wear her in a ring sling for comfort. Another mother, who had her third child about the same age as Lila, made several remarks about me being an overly cautious mom and “coddling” her. Those comments elicited both laughter and a sting of guilt. We practice gentle parenting rather than coddling, but in that moment, I just wanted Lila close to me so I could enjoy the event and perhaps have a hot meal.
Despite my instincts, I felt guilty for not allowing others to hold her. In a moment of weakness, I surrendered and let family members take her from me, even though it was against what both of us wanted.
As Lila approached 5 months, she began to show signs of shyness, such as avoiding eye contact. I found myself pushing against this behavior, attempting to let others hold her only to have her cry. We would comfort her, but then the familiar “Can I hold her?” question would arise again.
While I didn’t want to deny her the chance to bond with family, I also recognized her need for comfort. The people-pleaser in me hesitated, but I gradually reached a point where I no longer cared about what labels I might receive as a mother. Lila’s emotional security took precedence over the feelings of others. It was essential for me to learn from my experiences as a new mom and grow from them.
I had to accept that my child is naturally shy. She often takes time to warm up to family members, even those she sees frequently. Sometimes, she simply wants her parents to hold her, and when people invade her space, it leaves her distressed. We’ve come to terms with this, but I believe some people misinterpret our actions as a lack of trust or even attribute it to my postpartum depression. In reality, we simply wanted to respect Lila’s comfort levels and boundaries.
I have resolved to stop forcing my child into being a “social baby.” While we continue to gently expose her to social situations, we no longer worry about the opinions of others. I won’t apologize for Lila crying when someone else holds her, nor will I say sorry for wearing her when she’s tired. I refuse to allow acquaintances to stress her out by encroaching on her comfort zone. My previous attempts to please others only prolonged her distress, and that phase was exhausting.
Now that Lila is 18 months old, it is crucial for her to understand that she has control over her own body. She has every right to decline hugs or touch, and she can express discomfort to her parents.
This doesn’t mean I’ll encourage her to be rude or ignore people, especially family. We still nurture positive interactions, often with her sitting on our laps for comfort. It is vital for us as parents to instill in her the understanding that her body belongs to her. She doesn’t have to give hugs or kisses if she doesn’t want to; high fives are perfectly acceptable. There’s no obligation to sit on anyone’s lap if that makes her uncomfortable.
Reflecting on my expectations before motherhood, I chuckle at my naive belief that parenting would be straightforward. In truth, it’s a delicate balancing act of raising loving children who understand their own boundaries. We aim to nurture a sense of security in our little one while ensuring she feels empowered to communicate her feelings.
My hope for her is that she grows into a confident woman who recognizes her own worth and understands that her body and choices are hers alone.
For more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent guide at WomensHealth.gov. To learn about the best home insemination kits, visit Make a Mom. Also, for information regarding privacy, you can refer to this blog post.
Summary: This article discusses the challenges and realizations of a first-time mother, who learns to prioritize her child’s comfort and emotional security over societal expectations. As her daughter grows, she emphasizes the importance of boundaries and empowering her child to make choices about her own body.