By: Jenna Thompson for Home Insemination Kit
“What on earth just happened?” I exclaimed as I stirred from an exhausting four-hour nap—the longest I had slept since welcoming my daughter into the world ten days ago.
As I blinked away the grogginess, I saw my partner comfortably settled in the nursing chair, bottle-feeding our newborn with a formula sample we had received during my pregnancy.
“I thought this would make you happy. You needed the rest,” he said, trying to justify his actions.
He was correct; I was in desperate need of sleep. I felt like a zombie. Yet, a wave of anger surged through me.
“Put that down. Right. Now!” I rushed over, scooping my baby into my arms and tossed the two-ounce bottle across the room. “You’re going to ruin my milk supply if you sneak in formula! What if she gets confused? What if she prefers the bottle?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”
“She was hungry!” he retorted. “And since when did you become so passionate about breast milk versus formula? I thought you were all for the ‘fed is best’ idea.”
He had a point. I was not supposed to let this breast-is-best obsession get to me. During my pregnancy, I had confidently answered questions from friends and family about breastfeeding with, “I’ll do my best!” I prided myself on being rational, understanding that my unborn daughter was a factor in this decision. If breastfeeding worked out, wonderful. If not, I would simply use formula—I knew many successful adults who were formula-fed.
I had done my homework. I discovered that extreme advocates for breastfeeding were often as rigid as those who avoided any fun foods during pregnancy. Armed with the insights of Emily Oster, the economist who challenged conventional pregnancy rules, I was the relaxed mom-to-be, occasionally enjoying wine and prosciutto without a shred of guilt. I wanted to carry this easygoing attitude into the “fourth trimester,” questioning the breast-is-best mantra, just as I had embraced Oster’s well-reasoned views on pregnancy.
Evidence counters the belief that breast milk is absolutely necessary for the best start in life. In The Case Against Breastfeeding, Sarah Parker debunks popular myths surrounding breast milk, clarifying that while it may have some benefits, the medical community’s findings do not support the extreme breast-is-best ideology.
I also came across passionate testimonials from confident formula-feeding mothers, like Rachel Hartman, who challenged the stigma surrounding their choice. I aspired to be a strong, independent mother who defied societal expectations, paving my own path for my daughter.
I was prepared to switch to formula if breastfeeding became challenging (which it did), and I thought I would remain calm if I discovered my partner using formula to feed our baby.
So why did I react so strongly? What had shifted my focus to exclusive breastfeeding? How had I absorbed society’s breast-is-best narrative?
Breastfeeding is undeniably challenging. However, instead of being discouraged, my struggles seemed to deepen my obsession with breastfeeding exclusively.
It’s perplexing—unless you consider the role of hormones. As Lisa Grace Byrne articulates, “Motherhood is filled with complex emotional experiences, many of which have physical and hormonal counterparts.”
While I can logically argue that breastfeeding isn’t the sole healthy option for feeding an infant, I cannot ignore my biology. Something within me compels me to breastfeed, despite the difficulties of getting my baby to latch initially and the challenges of pumping at work months later. Is this instinct what led me to motherhood in the first place? I can’t say for sure, but I can’t dismiss it either.
Moreover, I feel a sense of pride whenever I catch my partner admiring me as I nurse our child. The bonding moments filled with oxytocin—when my baby snuggles against my chest—are profoundly rewarding.
Ultimately, I still believe that every woman should make her own decisions about feeding her child, free from societal judgment. However, I would advise expectant mothers to enter parenthood without too many preconceived notions. What I’ve learned is that parenting will challenge your assumptions in unexpected ways. Even if you reject societal norms, you might find yourself at the mercy of your own biology.
For more information about pregnancy and home insemination, you can refer to this helpful resource on treating infertility. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, consider checking out the artificial insemination kit for a comprehensive guide.
Summary: The author reflects on her unexpected obsession with exclusive breastfeeding despite her initial desire to adopt a “fed is best” attitude. Through the struggles of new motherhood, she grapples with societal pressures and her own biological instincts, ultimately advocating for personal choice in feeding methods while acknowledging the emotional and hormonal complexities of motherhood.