Let’s be honest—I’ve been living a facade, particularly in front of my children. I’m not referring to the usual myths about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. What I’m concealing is deeper and, frankly, far more troubling. Every time I tell my kids that it’s acceptable to fail, I’m not being honest. When I say that perfection isn’t necessary, I’m lying. I say these things in hopes that they won’t inherit my struggles.
I can’t pinpoint the origin of these beliefs, but they became clear to me in adulthood, especially after I became a mother. My first pregnancy was flawless—no complications, minimal morning sickness, and I maintained a fit lifestyle. I embraced the joys of pregnancy and felt great about my journey into motherhood. However, that initial success was short-lived.
Within 48 hours of giving birth, I faced my first significant challenge: my son struggled to latch while breastfeeding. This continued for weeks, and I watched helplessly as my baby lost weight. I was consumed by feelings of inadequacy. To make matters worse, he developed baby acne that lingered, worsened by my misguided attempts to achieve picture-perfect moments that I had envisioned for our family.
Fast forward four years, and I recall a moment during my son’s preschool days when he was tasked with a “Star of the Week” project. He wrote his J backward. Despite the teachers’ advice to let it be, I couldn’t resist the urge to correct it. This was supposed to be a proud moment for him, but I was too focused on appearances to appreciate it.
I find myself often feeling disappointed in my reactions. I’ve caught myself anxiously refining my children’s appearance for family gatherings or fretting over their athletic abilities. I even re-fold laundry just to ensure it looks perfect. It’s exhausting, and I realize that my children deserve better than this relentless pursuit of perfection.
I am now a mother to three wonderful children, each with their own unique qualities. One is a budding intellectual who juggles multiple creative projects. Another is the kindest soul I know, constantly crafting gifts for loved ones. My youngest is spirited and adventurous, bringing joy and laughter to our home. I want each of them to understand that failure is a normal part of life—that it doesn’t define their worth or abilities.
In truth, I want them to embrace failure as a learning experience. I know that even when they encounter setbacks—like a cavity at the dentist or a less-than-stellar grade—it does not reflect my parenting. Logic tells me that striving for perfection is an unrealistic goal. Yet, my insecurities often overshadow my rational thoughts.
So, how do I communicate to my kids that perfection doesn’t exist? I can only do so by failing myself, by allowing them to step outside their comfort zones, and by accepting the beauty in imperfection. Today, I won’t re-fold the towels. I’ll let my daughter style her hair however she prefers. I’ll welcome the creative chaos they bring into our home and, in doing so, celebrate our wonderfully imperfect family.
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In summary, while the journey of motherhood may be riddled with the pressures of perfectionism, embracing failure and chaos can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic family life.