If I were to articulate my parenting aspirations, they would resemble the balance sought by Goldilocks. I’m not the strict Tiger Parent or the ever-watchful Helicopter Parent, and though I maintain a relatively relaxed approach to many aspects of child-rearing, I wouldn’t categorize myself as a Free-Range Parent either. I aim for a middle ground—or at least, I try.
However, the reality is that I often find myself being a bit of a pushover. My children are allowed to jump on the furniture and toss balls indoors. I don’t strictly prohibit mild swearing (as long as it isn’t directed at anyone), and I’m not overly concerned about their screen time. With my fondness for sugary treats, our pantry is perpetually stocked with junk food. Our home is a lively place to be… until it’s not.
Before long, my generally sweet kids morph into little terrors, complaining about not having ice cream after dinner and insisting that five hours of gaming isn’t enough. Their demeanor shifts to snippy and irritable, making them difficult to be around. My partner and I exchange exasperated glances, silently questioning, who are these little monsters? It’s in that moment I realize I’ve let things slide too far; I’ve fully embraced the role of the Pushover Parent.
Consistent bedtimes gradually become flexible, eventually dissolving into no bedtime at all. What starts as an occasional treat post-dinner escalates into an all-out free-for-all of sugary snacks. My relaxed stance on swearing and screen time ultimately turns my kids into irritable, sugar-fueled zombies.
Despite what one might think, my pushover tendencies aren’t due to laziness. I may exhibit various traits, but being lazy is not one of them. The Pushover Parent role emerges not from a lack of love or involvement but rather from the whirlwind of life. Between work commitments and the passage of time spent in front of screens, I sometimes lose track of moderation. My husband and I may have the best intentions for family outings—be it dinners out, movies, or spontaneous trips to Chuck E. Cheese—but life often gets in the way. I might indulge in candy bars and feel hypocritical enforcing restrictions on my kids.
Regardless of the underlying reasons, the consequences of being a Pushover Parent are never favorable. It doesn’t take long for my once-kind children to devolve into whiny, spoiled brats. I’m not keen on being the villain, but I am prepared to be the “Mean Mom” when the situation calls for it. Unfortunately, “Mean Mom” usually surfaces only after “Pushover Parent” has lost all authority, resulting in midnight snack fests involving candy and late-night TV binges.
Regaining control from the Pushover Parent phase is challenging for everyone involved. We all endure a withdrawal period from our previously indulgent lifestyle. Bedtimes are reinstated, gaming consoles are switched off, and junk food is stashed away. Eventually, we find our way back to a semblance of normalcy. The kids become better rested, less whiny, and more well-behaved, while I gradually embrace my role as the “mean mom” when necessary. We settle back into our healthier, albeit slightly less exciting, routine.
If you’ve noticed a slip in your parenting style lately, don’t be alarmed. Being a Pushover Parent doesn’t equate to being a bad or lazy parent; it’s the mark of a loving and flexible caretaker who occasionally lets things slide because, let’s face it, it’s much more enjoyable. You’re not inflicting lasting harm on your kids or turning them into entitled brats, and it’s certainly possible to rein things back in (even if it involves some whining and a formidable case of sugar withdrawal). You’ll rediscover your parenting rhythm, and all will be right in your world again.
For additional insights on this topic, check out this other blog post.
In summary, while being a pushover parent can lead to chaos at home, it’s important to remember that it’s usually a temporary phase. With a little adjustment and consistency, you can restore balance and maintain a loving environment for your children.