When we made our recent move to a new state, we had the usual set of concerns. Finding enough bedrooms to keep the kids from driving each other crazy was a priority. I dreamed of living on a cul-de-sac, where the kids could roam freely and I could embrace my inner free-range parent. My partner, Alex, insisted on a large, flat yard—ideal for baseball and gardening. We had a school district in mind and were searching for a home within a 35-minute drive to Alex’s workplace. And naturally, during our house hunt, we made sure to check the proximity of the nearest Costco.
As a family of five, we rely heavily on Costco for all our essentials: meats, fruits, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, snacks for school and home, allergy medications, bottled water, diapers, eggs… the list goes on. Need wine? Buy it in bulk. Looking for a TV? Costco. Lawn chairs? Costco. Easter baskets? Costco. You catch my drift.
As someone who frequents this wholesale giant every week, I feel qualified to share insights into the experience of spending considerable amounts of money while navigating a cart filled with socks, BBQ ribs, and a new beer fridge. Here are 12 truths every Costco lover will recognize.
- You’ll start with a list and a budget, but you’ll soon find yourself chuckling as you overspend by $256-$289. (I determined this figure through extensive research conducted at the University of My Wallet.)
- You will walk out with a kitchen faucet, patio furniture, and five unread books, all while having entered the store with the sole intention of buying chicken and hamburgers. Spoiler alert: you don’t even have a patio.
- If your cranky little ones accompany you and you’ve promised them delicious samples to keep them in check, prepare for disappointment as the only options will be salmon, beet soup, and wafer crackers. The pizza and croissant-wrapped hotdog samples will be long gone by the time you arrive with your hangry toddler.
- You might still try the wafer crackers and find yourself awkwardly lingering, hoping to appease the enthusiastic sample lady, who keeps shouting, “$12.99! Get your box here! Healthy snack!” She reminds you of your grandma, and you can’t bear to tell her your family wouldn’t touch that snack even if it was coated in candy-flavored whipped cream.
- While you might skip the wafer crackers, you’ll inevitably toss at least one sample into your cart, resulting in a box of 94 egg rolls that your family will now be eating for a month, whether they like it or not.
- Don’t expect to find staff members to assist you in locating items. The only employees in Costco seem to be the elderly ones who can direct you to the dark chocolate or hummus they’re promoting—and the cashiers. The vast space between them is a desert of lost hopes.
- If you fall in love with a product, it’s likely that Costco will discontinue it just as you’ve become attached (or at least until you’ve had enough time to grieve). I’m still not over the margarita chips that disappeared after 2015.
- Handing your child the receipt to hold while they enthusiastically volunteer for “the job” of passing it to the exit employee will result in your cherub losing it in that brief moment between the register and the exit. You’ll find yourself in Costco jail for all eternity.
- Costco’s cafeteria offers the best deals around. As a family of five, dining at a restaurant can be a financial strain, so we often resort to the Costco picnic tables on weekends. The pizza slices are massive and only about two bucks. But your children, who have never finished an entire slice, will insist they can handle one—only to leave you picking at the remnants of their plates.
- As you toss a box of frozen tilapia into your cart, declaring it’s time for a health kick, your child will announce an urgent need to use the bathroom. On your trek to the restroom, they’ll lose their Transformer toy, never to be seen again. Cue the inevitable meltdown.
- If you have young children, you’ll optimistically start your Costco trip with them nestled in the cart. By the third aisle, however, they’ll be wedged uncomfortably between a 10-pound jug of laundry detergent and a bag of frozen chicken, pleading to be let out. You’ll relent, only to chase them from sample station to sample station for the rest of your trip.
- Finally, at checkout, the cashier will somehow persuade you to upgrade to the pricier “Elite Membership,” promising better deals on cars and vacations you’ll never end up purchasing.
Despite the financial drain and packing on a few pounds from all the “sample Ghirardelli brownie” indulgences, you’ll keep coming back. On Saturday mornings, when you need chicken nuggets, a spring plant for Grandma, and a box of 5,000 baby wipes, there’s simply no better place to be.
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Summary
Navigating a Costco shopping trip is an adventure filled with unforeseen expenses, tempting samples, and the occasional meltdown. From overspending to chasing after little ones, Costco shoppers experience unique challenges and joys that make each visit memorable.