“Earlier today, when you were laughing on the bed… you looked foolish.” With that single remark, my mother irrevocably impacted my self-esteem. From that moment on, every time I laughed, my instinct was to cover my mouth, shielding the noticeable gaps in my teeth, while my cheeks rounded and my eyes squinted. She likely didn’t intend to imply that I always appeared foolish while laughing; perhaps she simply disapproved of the reason behind my laughter. I’ll never know for certain—I never found the courage to ask her before she passed away. Even if she were here now, I doubt I would have the audacity to confront her with the question of why she deemed it acceptable to criticize a child in such a manner.
Even if she had never made that remark, I suspect I would have faced my own bouts of low self-worth. As an early bloomer, I often felt awkward with my developing body and tended to hide behind my friends. I was dubbed “Four Eyes” due to my glasses and struggled with extreme shyness. These traits, coupled with a penchant for introspection, likely would have led me to scrutinize myself excessively in front of a mirror. However, that harsh judgment from my mother burrowed deep into my psyche, resurfacing whenever I let my guard down. Now, I find it difficult to laugh freely without attempting to obscure my smile or divert my gaze.
Fifteen years have passed since my mother’s words stung me, and yet they linger in my memory. Today, I observe my son, who is round and cherubic, with dimpled wrists and a sparkling disposition that even strangers admire. His eyes mirror mine, but where I see fatigue and frizz, his embody perfection. His laughter is the most enchanting sound I’ve ever heard—an uninhibited expression of joy that fills the room. He delights in the antics of our pets and bursts into giggles at children’s shows. I cherish every moment of his laughter.
As a mother, I know I will falter; I may lose my temper or forget to pack his raincoat on a day of unexpected rain. I will inevitably disappoint him at times. However, I am determined never to let him doubt the brilliance of who he is. For more on the journey of parenthood and insights on topics like home insemination, visit Intracervical Insemination and explore Make a Mom for expert resources. Additionally, the CDC offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination, found at CDC.
In summary, while my mother’s comment shaped my insecurities, I strive to ensure my son knows his worth, fostering an environment of unconditional love and support.