“It’s not what it looks like,” admits a participant in a candid discussion forum. “I told my doctor I’ve only been with my partner.” This admission is significant for various reasons. Not only does it set a troubling precedent of dishonesty with healthcare professionals, but it also highlights a common sentiment among many individuals—shame surrounding the number of sexual partners they’ve had.
This shame often intensifies as the number of partners increases. Society tends to label individuals, especially women, with pejorative terms based on their sexual history. The notion that one’s worth can be reduced to a mere number is deeply troubling.
My own number is on the higher side. While I remained a virgin until I turned 18, years of exploration during college led me to a total of 25 partners. I may feel uncomfortable sharing this with my family, but I don’t carry shame about it.
According to a sex history calculator from Slate, which analyzes data from the General Social Survey, I’ve engaged with more partners than 95% of my peers. Strangely enough, this doesn’t bother me. I’ve always acknowledged my adventurous side long before I settled down with my partner; I embraced pleasure without hesitation.
While I could reference the norms for different generations, those statistics are irrelevant. What truly matters is what your sexual history signifies about you. For some, like the individual who felt compelled to mislead their doctor, their number evokes feelings of shame. For others, like myself, it’s merely a part of life’s journey—proof of seeking and enjoying pleasure.
My sexual experiences weren’t always about seeking deep emotional connections. I made some choices I regret, primarily due to the character of certain partners, but not because of the acts themselves. Conversely, I sometimes wish I had explored more, such as with a charming musician I met during my travels.
The perception of your sexual history often hinges on your feelings towards past partners and the contexts in which those experiences occurred. If a relationship ended badly, you might feel remorseful about that chapter of your life. Conversely, if your experiences stemmed from a desire for genuine connection, you may view them with fondness or regret.
If you were raised in an environment that prized purity and chastity, any sexual experience might feel shameful, leading to dishonesty, such as the case with a healthcare professional.
How to Approach Your Sexual History
So how should you approach your sexual history, whether you view it positively or negatively? Acknowledge that your sexual number is part of your personal history. While we may wish we could rewrite our pasts, the reality is that our experiences shape who we are. The best way to come to terms with it is through self-reflection. Recognize that your number contributed to your evolution, even if some choices weren’t ideal.
Ultimately, your worth transcends that number. You are a complex, vibrant individual, shaped by your unique experiences and characteristics—far more than just a statistic.
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In summary, your sexual history is only one part of your multifaceted identity. Embrace it, learn from it, and remember that you are so much more than a single number.