I don’t subscribe to the notion of regret or the idea of dwelling on past actions, particularly when those actions are rooted in childhood innocence. Instead, I see past missteps as crucial lessons and opportunities for growth—both for myself and for my children. Growing up, I wasn’t unkind, but I often failed to stand against the unkindness of others. My aim is to raise my children to be more courageous and compassionate than I was.
As a child, I was the quintessential “good girl,” adhering to rules and striving for perfection. I vividly recall a moment in first grade when I was scolded by my teacher for turning around to assist my classmate, Lily, with her math problems. Although my intentions were good, the reprimand made me acutely aware of how precarious my social standing was. The shame I felt for merely trying to help has lingered with me.
Throughout my formative years, I diligently completed assignments, avoided trouble, and conformed to expectations. Yet, I realize that being a “good” student doesn’t inherently equate to being a good person. Following the lead of the dominant kids in my class, even when their actions were unkind, ultimately undermined my moral integrity.
In pursuit of perfection, I was overly concerned with social hierarchies, carefully navigating the complex web of friendships and peer approval. I adhered to unwritten rules that dictated who was in and who was out, often at the expense of those less fortunate. I never directly bullied anyone, but I didn’t have the courage to intervene when others did. I witnessed the ridicule directed at kids like Sophie and Mia, and instead of standing up, I prioritized my own safety and acceptance.
While I reject a narrative of shame for my younger self, I seek to reconcile those past choices through my role as a parent. I regularly engage my children in conversations about kindness—asking them if their peers treat them well and whether they are extending kindness to others. We discuss the importance of friendship and the impact of loneliness on one’s spirit. I encourage them to empathize with those who may feel excluded, helping them to understand the value of companionship.
Current educational practices have shifted positively, with many schools emphasizing kindness initiatives. My children’s school is currently exploring the themes presented in the book Wonder through related assignments and upcoming events centered on kindness. Their previous school also focused on leadership qualities, instilling values of standing against bullying and supporting others.
However, it’s not enough to merely teach children to refrain from bullying. We must empower them to be “upstanders.” As defined by The Bully Project, an upstander is someone who recognizes wrongdoing and takes action to rectify it. They advocate for those who are being mistreated, embodying social responsibility and courage.
The stark reality is that being a bystander is almost as harmful as participating in the bullying itself. True bravery lies in the willingness to step outside one’s comfort zone to reach out to a lonely child during recess. Those who take the initiative to include others are the real heroes.
I cannot guarantee that my children will possess the courage I lacked during my youth, but I can instill in them a clear understanding of what it means to be a genuinely kind person in today’s world.
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In conclusion, fostering kindness and empathy in our children is vital for creating a more compassionate society. By teaching them to be proactive and supportive, we can help build a generation that stands up for what is right.