- When I ask, “Do I look good?” the only acceptable answer is “Absolutely!” And why am I even asking?
- If you borrow my car and return it with the fuel gauge on empty, it signals that we need to have a serious discussion.
- Finishing the last soda without replacing it is just as bad as me letting your favorite drinks run out.
- Three hours of your attention on the TV during the big game is not quality time together.
- Maintaining my pre-wedding figure while enjoying dinners together every night is simply not feasible.
- I get it—my playlist isn’t your jam. But that’s why it’s called an “I” Pod, not a “We” Pod.
- Water is a perfectly good thirst quencher, just like beer.
- Just because you have male anatomy doesn’t mean you’re a mechanic. Please take my car to a professional.
- Tossing my delicate garments into the dryer on high isn’t “helping with laundry.”
- There is no religious decree preventing you from putting the new toilet paper roll on the holder instead of the counter. I checked.
- Blasting surround sound in a small room is not impressive; it’s just obnoxiously loud.
- No woman interprets “fine” as “beautiful.” When you say, “You look fine,” we hear, “I’m bored, let’s go.” And if you ask about my experience later, I might just say it was “fine.”
- After a couple of gentle nudges, if you’re still snoring, I’m relocating to the guest room. I still love you, though.
- A sports bar with endless wings and multiple screens is not my idea of a perfect date night. Enjoy it; the next outing is on me—think wine, not TVs.
- Even if we’ve shared a toothbrush, I can’t drink from the milk carton after you. Same goes for my sodas. Glasses are in the left cabinet of the fridge.
- Thongs are uncomfortable, and high heels are torture devices. You wear them, not me.
- Pulling the duvet over messy sheets does not qualify as “making the bed.”
- The distance from your hand to the sink is similar to that to the dishwasher. Please use the dishwasher for your dirty dishes.
- There will never be a time in our marriage when ball-and-chain jokes are funny. Never.
- If I wear something, it’s because I like it—yes, even the boyfriend jeans. So you should, too!
- A two-minute back rub followed by the expectation of intimacy is not a massage.
- Leaving the toilet seat up is like saying, “Not tonight, honey.” It’s a universal signal.
- Just because I handle the shopping doesn’t mean I’m solely responsible for spending. The dry cleaning? Yours. The pricey moisturizer? Also yours. Let’s talk about spending habits together.
- There are plenty of great films without explosions or car chases. Comedies, musicals, and love stories exist too. Constantly asking when something exciting will happen will lead to separate movie nights.
- That neon tie-dye shirt from college? Absolutely not acceptable for family dinners or any event we attend. Ever.
For further insights on relationships and family planning, check out our post here and explore more about home insemination kits at Make a Mom. The CDC offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination as well.
Summary
This article highlights key insights for men before marriage, emphasizing communication, mutual respect, and understanding in relationships. It humorously outlines common misunderstandings and expectations that may arise in a marriage, encouraging couples to navigate these challenges together.