To the individual who undervalues my son’s sensory challenges:
Yes, he is indeed a selective eater. Yes, his food choices may not be ideal. Yes, he is fully aware that Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t a food group. And yes, even when he’s hungry, he will likely refuse your offering of (insert any food besides Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Vanilla Oreos, Velveeta Shells & Cheese, pizza, apples, or Pringles). This behavior isn’t due to being “spoiled,” nor is it a matter of us “giving in” to him. It’s also not because your mac and cheese lacks appeal. The truth is, he faces sensory processing difficulties, and he won’t eat it—not today, not tomorrow, not next Thursday. This situation isn’t about me or you; it’s entirely about him.
You may believe, “He will eat when he gets hungry enough,” but the reality is that he probably won’t. As a mother who advocates for and loves him, I refuse to test that theory. Would you be willing to sample “just a bite” of something you found in a dumpster on a sweltering summer day? Because, with all due respect, that’s akin to what your mac and cheese might evoke for him.
His sensory sensitivities stem from his autism, not from ineffective parenting or because he is a “headstrong child.” His sensory system is highly attuned, causing his brain to process smells, tastes, sights, and textures differently than yours. Thus, his refusal to eat your mac and cheese isn’t a personal affront; it’s a protective mechanism. Sticking to familiar foods gives him a sense of security. Even if your mac and cheese is award-winning, to him, it represents an unpredictable risk.
As a child, he would often yell, “no, no, no” when faced with new or threatening foods. Now that he’s older, he can articulate how your mac and cheese feels like a threat to his sensory system. He might say, “My brain and my body won’t allow that food in.” Whether it’s a pungent hard-boiled egg or a delicious brownie, his body’s response is a firm “no,” and I respect that because I respect him. I wish you would too.
If you could take the time to read some of the articles, blog posts, and books I’ve suggested, perhaps you would gain a deeper understanding of his sensory processing and spend less time in conflict and more time connecting with him. You might recognize how far he has progressed instead of focusing solely on what you believe he has yet to achieve. You might begin to see him, rather than just an untouched plate of macaroni.
Next time we visit, I encourage you to consider serving Velveeta Shells & Cheese. It’s not about “giving in” or “spoiling him”; it’s about demonstrating your love and respect while trying to understand his sensory needs. By learning about this remarkable individual you care for, you can become more accepting and aware of his experiences. Maybe then, you will truly see him beyond the contents of his plate.
Sincerely,
Emily’s Mom
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In summary, it’s crucial to understand that my son’s selective eating is rooted in sensory processing challenges associated with autism. It’s not a matter of stubbornness or poor parenting; it’s a reflection of his unique needs. By educating ourselves and showing compassion, we can foster better understanding and support.