Recently, I found myself navigating the grocery store with my three children, ages 10, 8, and 3. The youngest was nestled in the cart while the older two clung to its sides, their moods decidedly sour. This scenario is hardly unique; taking three kids under ten to the store often feels like a marathon of “no” and an endless negotiation over the possibility of a free cookie. I sometimes wonder if I’d be better off living off the land in the wilderness.
Amidst the chaos, a woman in her late sixties approached me, tugging at my sleeve. “Great job, Dad,” she remarked, beaming at me. I returned her smile, responding with a weary “thanks” that all parents know too well. Later, at Costco and then at the bank, I received similar compliments from other patrons.
Receiving multiple affirmations in one day while shopping with my kids was quite unusual. Typically, while I might get the occasional nod of approval, it’s not every day that I collect three compliments in a single outing. However, I’ve noticed that it’s relatively common for strangers to commend me when I’m out with my children, whether at a store or a park.
When I shared these encounters with my partner, Sarah, her expression shifted. “Seriously? No one ever compliments me,” she said, her voice tinged with sincerity. Sarah works part-time at our children’s school and spends most of her time managing the household, often taking our energetic trio on errands.
This discrepancy raises an interesting question: Why do I receive encouragement for my role as a father while Sarah does not receive the same recognition for her contributions as a mother? Honestly, I have no definitive answer. My observations are anecdotal and not backed by any sociological research, but it seems that when people see a father actively participating in parenting, they feel compelled to offer a little moral support.
In my experience as a father and writer, many dads who take their kids out alone are quite engaged in parenting. They reject outdated notions that their sole responsibility is to be the breadwinner. At home, I often handle laundry while Sarah manages the budget; we approach responsibilities based on skills rather than gender norms. I’ve always found it best to let Sarah handle finances since I studied literature, not accounting.
When you spot a dad shopping with his children, he’s likely invested in family life and eager to share the responsibilities of parenting. He’s not merely babysitting, as some might mistakenly believe; he’s fulfilling his role as a committed father. While it’s nice to be acknowledged for these efforts, it’s worth noting that mothers do the same things without as much fanfare.
To be frank, while I appreciate the compliments, they sometimes feel like an elevation of my role as a father, unintentionally diminishing the efforts of mothers like Sarah, who are performing equally demanding tasks without the recognition.
Do we really need to single out dads for simply doing their job? Compliments are certainly welcome, especially in the often thankless journey of parenting. I gladly accept kind words, but it’s essential to recognize that both mothers and fathers are doing the vital work of raising children.
Instead of focusing solely on fathers, let’s strive for a more balanced approach. Parents of all kinds need support and affirmation. So, the next time you see a frazzled mom managing a cart full of children, offer her a word of encouragement, just as you would to a dad in the same situation. It’s only fair.
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In summary, both fathers and mothers contribute significantly to their families, and it’s time we recognize and celebrate everyone’s efforts equally.