It often begins with a seemingly harmless private message: “Hey there! I noticed you were celebrating your birthday! I hope it was wonderful. Your kids are absolutely adorable. It’s been so long since we last chatted—maybe five years?”
Your stomach drops, and you let out a sigh. You know this lighthearted exchange is about to take a turn for the worse.
“I hope you treated yourself on your special day! I have a fabulous way for you to celebrate YOU. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to share my exclusive discount with you this month because you truly deserve it!”
Ah, the dreaded MLM private message.
This message comes from someone you haven’t interacted with in ages—someone who’s never reached out before to ask about your life or comment on “those cute pictures of your kids.”
If it were a genuine friend, someone already in your network, you’d be aware of what they’re promoting. You would have shared in their excitement when they discovered the miraculous skin care that seemingly turned back time, or the wraps that promised to smooth out all imperfections. You would have brainstormed together about the possibility of her becoming a distributor to benefit from her favorite products. And you’d already possess her secret discount codes.
Instead, this is someone who has observed your posts about tough times—your struggles with miscarriage, your family’s battle with illness, or your recent challenges with sleep and self-image. And now, they see opportunity.
I’ve heard the arguments: women should uplift other women striving to earn a little extra cash. Isn’t it just a small price to pay to support someone’s dreams while snagging a quality product?
There are two fundamental flaws with this rationale. First, my priority is to support my family, which often means saving money. Second, does every MLM seller forget about the countless other distributors across various brands—skin care, oils, wraps, jewelry, and clothing—who are also trying to claim a piece of my diminishing budget?
I’m not naive. I know a $100 night cream may boast better results than the $20 option I begrudgingly considered. However, my budget simply doesn’t accommodate frivolous purchases like a monogrammed tote bag that costs as much as my car insurance.
Ultimately, it’s not my duty to ensure your financial stability. So, if I express that I’m not interested, please take your sales pitch elsewhere and cease the relentless promotions of your products.
And, MLM sellers: stop pretending that offering a discount makes you a virtuous person. We all understand that you still profit from this arrangement—your earnings trickle up to those above you in the pyramid scheme.
A truly supportive friend is the one who reached out to me last month upon learning about my postpartum anxiety. She sent me a product that had aided her during similar struggles, gave me guidance on its use, and checked in on me regularly—all without a hint of a sales pitch. That’s the kind of support that resonates. Now, I know exactly what the product does for me, how to use it, and when I need a refill, I know precisely where to go.
For the sake of all that’s sacred, please stop with the disingenuous private messages. I recognize the tactic and I don’t appreciate it. If you ask me once and I decline, I hope you’ll move on. If you persist, I will block you.
It’s 2018, and we’re all connected online. We see your promotions. No one searching for a weight loss product is confused about who to approach. I’m not losing sleep over where to find that pricey eyelash serum that promises to give me lashes so long they’ll require trimming. Distributors, we are aware of you, and we know how to reach you. And no, we likely don’t want to host a party.
This article was originally published on March 30, 2018.
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In summary, while the intention behind MLM private messages may seem rooted in friendship, they often feel insincere and opportunistic. True support comes from understanding and kindness without the motive of profit.