As parents, we often find ourselves in a position where we inadvertently overshadow our children’s voices. It’s a familiar scene: “I want a cheeseburger and fries,” my six-year-old declares. “Now, tell the waiter,” I encourage, gesturing toward the server who is either amused or mildly exasperated. My son takes a deep breath, mustering his courage, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please. With ketchup. And a Sprite.”
Every child in my family is expected to order for themselves, even my four-year-old. This isn’t about showcasing their cuteness; it’s a critical step in helping them learn to advocate for themselves. As they venture into the world, moving beyond the comfort of home and parental protection, it becomes essential for them to develop the ability to express their needs and desires.
Society often critiques younger generations—claiming they struggle to handle basic responsibilities. Complaints arise about parents who intervene in their adult children’s affairs, whether it’s discussing grades with a professor or accompanying them to job interviews. This cycle must break; it starts with our children, and it starts now.
Encouraging my kids to order for themselves is just one practice. I also send them to the counter at fast-food joints, little hands intertwined, to claim their ice cream cones. They need to learn about social norms: waiting in line, being polite, and interacting with others. While some onlookers may be worried about their safety, many are charmed by their determination to uphold the standards we’ve set.
I also require them to initiate playdate requests. They consult with me first, but ultimately, they must approach their friends’ parents to arrange the details directly. They ask courteously, stand tall, and are prepared to accept a “no,” often having a backup plan in mind. The default response of “You’ll have to ask my mom” may surface, but they are the ones initiating the interaction.
In every aspect where they are involved, my children tackle their own challenges. Whether it’s inquiring about fishing gear or locating an item in a store, they engage directly. Compliments from strangers? They must respond themselves, acknowledging the person rather than deferring to me. This practice isn’t solely about building confidence; it’s about recognizing and respecting others as individuals deserving of their attention.
If they were in a traditional school setting, I would expect them to communicate with their teachers independently. Having come from a family of educators, I’ve witnessed the frequent calls made to parents over minor academic issues. This trend is problematic. Kids must learn to confront their own situations. In my own high school experience, if you disagreed with a grade, you approached the teacher directly, rather than involving a parent.
My goal is for my children to grow self-sufficient. Not because I lack concern, but because the world is vast and often challenging. I cannot always be there to navigate every bump along their journey. When a restaurant order goes awry, they need to be equipped to handle it—without feeling overwhelmed by guilt. They must learn to manage their own affairs.
That’s why they order their food, pay for toys with their own money, and even engage in self-checkout at stores. If it takes a bit longer while my six-year-old counts his change, so be it. They are responsible and accountable, learning to handle their own belongings and commitments. The confidence they build now will serve them well as they transition into adulthood.
In summary, empowering our children to speak for themselves and take responsibility for their interactions is crucial for their development. As they navigate social situations and challenges, they will become confident adults capable of handling life’s complexities.
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