As I sit here in the dim light of early morning, the rest of my family is still asleep—except for my husband, who has already logged two hours of work. I wouldn’t be awake at this hour if his alarm hadn’t jolted me out of slumber, but it does—six days a week without fail. He would even be willing to work Sundays, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
He prefers to leave for work while everyone is still sleeping, believing it’s better to miss those early hours than the evenings we could spend together. I occasionally suggest that he could cut back on his 12-hour workdays, but he laughs it off, thinking I’m joking; for him, anything less is simply not an option.
Yes, I am married to a true workaholic. Even if we were financially secure (which we are not), he would still want to work—it’s a necessity for him. I worry about the day he retires; I can picture him bored out of his mind. Honestly, it’s more likely he’ll be working away at 99, directing younger colleagues, than finding peace in a quiet house.
This dedication creates challenges at home. With his almost constant absence, I handle everything from daily chores to crises—like when all four kids are sick, the cat sets its tail on fire, and the roof starts leaking. He does assist from a distance, making phone calls to roofing companies, but I’m the one catching drips and laundering waterlogged towels.
I’m the one in the trenches, managing the hands-on tasks that keep our household functioning smoothly. This can be exhausting, especially with four young children to care for.
What troubles me more than the workload, however, is the time he misses with our family. On Saturday mornings, I’m in the bleachers cheering for our two kids who play basketball, while he can’t be there. Sometimes he races from work just to catch a few minutes of their game, his company logo on display while he checks his phone incessantly—work doesn’t pause for family time.
He makes occasional appearances at school plays, science fairs, and award ceremonies, often arriving straight from work in separate cars for parent-teacher meetings. Recently, I had to text him from the doctor’s office while scheduling a routine surgery for our youngest—he could make it, but with the caveat of arriving extra early that day.
Our children know how proud he is of them, and he ensures they feel loved and supported. While some may view our partnership as unbalanced, it functions well for us. My primary concern isn’t how his work affects family life, but rather how it impacts him. Will he look back someday and regret the moments he missed with us? Will he feel he devoted his life to the wrong priorities, mourning lost time?
Yet, I witness his passion and enthusiasm for his career, his determination and commitment, and I see a man truly fulfilling his purpose. Nothing that brings someone such joy and satisfaction can be inherently wrong. For him, providing our children with opportunities he never had is worth the trade-off of time spent away from them.
His ambitious nature is one of the qualities I cherish most about him, one that drew me to him two decades ago. To stifle that ambition would be to suppress his true self. Yes, I sometimes wish we could enjoy spontaneous outings without waiting for him to come home or that he could lend a hand more often, but in the grand scheme of marital challenges, it could be much worse.
While I often find myself attempting to coax him onto the couch beside me, I’d much prefer that to trying to persuade him to get off of it.
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Summary:
Being married to a workaholic presents unique challenges, from managing household duties alone to missing out on family moments. While it can be exhausting, the love and passion for their work is a core part of who they are. Understanding and acceptance are key in navigating this dynamic, while also ensuring that family connections remain strong.