“Mom, this kid called me odd and a loser!”
As a parent, these are the words I dreaded hearing from my children. My daughter was clearly struggling. My husband and I sensed something was off; she had been irritable and argumentative, particularly towards her siblings.
At just 9 years old, she has a unique personality and an old soul, standing apart from her peers. She prefers assisting her teacher to playing at recess and treasures family time. Yet, she has yet to find a close friend and is very selective about opening up to others. So, when we urged her to engage more with her classmates, it didn’t go as planned.
“Leave us alone, we don’t want to play with you!”
“Why can’t I join you?” my daughter asked.
“Because you’re weird and a loser!”
My heart shattered. My initial impulse was to confront this child—how dare anyone treat my daughter so cruelly? However, after some deep breaths and a moment of reflection, I recognized this as a valuable teaching opportunity.
First and foremost, we needed to bolster my daughter’s self-esteem and self-image.
With the rise in childhood depression and low self-worth, it was crucial that she understood she is loved, beautiful, and resilient.
You Are Not Alone.
Whether your child is outgoing or reserved, it’s essential they know they are not isolated in their feelings. My daughter tends to internalize her emotions and often struggles to express them. Even if she hesitates to talk about her feelings, it was clear she was in a lonely space and needed reassurance that she had a supportive network that cared for her.
You Are Incredible.
I could picture my daughter alone during recess, feeling rejected. Does she realize how amazing she truly is? Although her peers may not see her greatness now, many others do. It’s important to remind her that being different is not synonymous with being “weird” or a “loser.”
You Have Control. Be Confident.
Words can be painful, but they are just words. This concept can be challenging for children—and adults—to grasp. They must learn not to let others’ words dictate their self-worth. I didn’t want this one “mean kid” to overshadow all the wonderful qualities my daughter possesses.
Instilling confidence in her is one of my top priorities. I want her to be proud of herself and to trust her decisions. It was vital for her to understand that the opinions of others should not waver her belief in herself.
Practice Gratitude.
When self-doubt creeps in and everything feels wrong, it’s beneficial to reflect on positive aspects of life. We had my daughter list ten things she is grateful for and ten qualities she admires in herself. Reinforcing the positives can help acknowledge her self-worth and belief in herself.
Create a Plan.
Once we helped her shift her mindset, we encouraged her to devise a strategy for addressing the situation. What conversation did she want to initiate?
Often, our instinct when hurt is to retaliate or avoid the person entirely. However, through discussion, my daughter recognized the importance of standing up for herself.
Together, we decided that instead of lashing out, she should confront the “mean kid” about her behavior.
“Why do you think I’m weird and a loser? Why is it acceptable for you to call me those names? Does it make you feel better to put me down?” By posing these questions, perhaps the mean girl would reconsider her actions. More importantly, my daughter would learn to advocate for herself.
We set our daughter on a mission to communicate with the mean kid. The outcome is uncertain, but we are confident that we’ve instilled a sense of strength and self-assurance in her.
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Summary:
When my daughter experienced bullying from a peer, it became a pivotal teaching moment. We focused on enhancing her self-esteem, encouraging gratitude, and developing a plan for addressing the situation. Ultimately, our goal was to empower her to stand up for herself and understand that she is not defined by the hurtful words of others.